The Physiology of Marriage, CompleteBalzac, Honoré de
General
The Physiology of Marriage, Complete
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
“Now, madame, if you will allow me the honor of calling to your mind
the fact that the Minotaur was of all known beasts that which Mythology
distinguishes as the most dangerous; that in order to save themselves
from his ravages, the Athenians were bound to deliver to him, every
single year, fifty virgins; you will perhaps escape the error of good M.
Chompre, who saw in the labyrinth nothing but an English garden; and
you will recognize in this ingenious fable a refined allegory, or we may
better say a faithful and fearful image of the dangers of marriage. The
paintings recently discovered at Herculaneum have served to confirm
this opinion. And, as a matter of fact, learned men have for a long time
believed, in accordance with the writings of certain authors, that
the Minotaur was an animal half-man, half-bull; but the fifth panel
of ancient paintings at Herculaneum represents to us this allegorical
monster with a body entirely human; and, to take away all vestige of
doubt, he lies crushed at the feet of Theseus. Now, my dear madame, why
should we not ask Mythology to come and rescue us from that hypocrisy
which is gaining ground with us and hinders us from laughing as our
fathers laughed? And thus, since in the world a young lady does not very
well know how to spread the veil under which an honest woman hides her
behavior, in a contingency which our grandfathers would have roughly
explained by a single word, you, like a crowd of beautiful but
prevaricating ladies, you content yourselves with saying, ‘Ah! yes,
she is very amiable, but,’--but what?--‘but she is often very
inconsistent--.’ I have for a long time tried to find out the meaning of
this last word, and, above all, the figure of rhetoric by which you
make it express the opposite of that which it signifies; but all my
researches have been in vain. Vert-Vert used the word last, and was
unfortunately addressed to the innocent nuns whose infidelities did not
in any way infringe the honor of the men. When a woman is _inconsistent_
the husband must be, according to me, _minotaurized_. If the
minotaurized man is a fine fellow, if he enjoys a certain esteem,--and
many husbands really deserve to be pitied,--then in speaking of him, you
say in a pathetic voice, ‘M. A--- is a very estimable man, his wife
is exceedingly pretty, but they say he is not happy in his domestic
relations.’ Thus, madame, the estimable man who is unhappy in his
domestic relations, the man who has an inconsistent wife, or the husband
who is minotaurized are simply husbands as they appear in Moliere. Well,
then, O goddess of modern taste, do not these expressions seem to you
characterized by a transparency chaste enough for anybody?”
“Ah! mon Dieu!” she answered, laughing, “if the thing is the same,
what does it matter whether it be expressed in two syllables or in a
hundred?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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