The Physiology of Marriage, CompleteBalzac, Honoré de
General
The Physiology of Marriage, Complete
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
Two persons are married. The myrmidons of the Minotaur, young and old,
have usually the politeness to leave the bride and bridegroom entirely
to themselves at first. They look upon the husband as an artisan, whose
business it is to trim, polish, cut into facets and mount the diamond,
which is to pass from hand to hand in order to be admired all around.
Moreover, the aspect of a young married couple much taken with each
other always rejoices the heart of those among the celibates who are
known as _roues_; they take good care not to disturb the excitement by
which society is to be profited; they also know that heavy showers to
not last long. They therefore keep quiet; they watch, and wait, with
incredible vigilance, for the moment when bride and groom begin to weary
of the seventh heaven.
The tact with which celibates discover the moment when the breeze begins
to rise in a new home can only be compared to the indifference of those
husbands for whom the Red-moon rises. There is, even in intrigue, a
moment of ripeness which must be waited for. The great man is he who
anticipates the outcome of certain circumstances. Men of fifty-two, whom
we have represented as being so dangerous, know very well, for example,
that any man who offers himself as lover to a woman and is haughtily
rejected, will be received with open arms three months afterwards. But
it may be truly said that in general married people in betraying their
indifference towards each other show the same naivete with which they
first betrayed their love. At the time when you are traversing with
madame the ravishing fields of the seventh heaven--where according to
their temperament, newly married people remain encamped for a longer or
shorter time, as the preceding Meditation has proved--you go little or
not at all into society. Happy as you are in your home, if you do go
abroad, it will be for the purpose of making up a choice party and
visiting the theatre, the country, etc. From the moment you the newly
wedded make your appearance in the world again, you and your bride
together, or separately, and are seen to be attentive to each other at
balls, at parties, at all the empty amusements created to escape the
void of an unsatisfied heart, the celibates discern that your wife comes
there in search of distraction; her home, her husband are therefore
wearisome to her.
At this point the celibate knows that half of the journey is
accomplished. At this point you are on the eve of being minotaurized,
and your wife is likely to become inconsistent; which means that she is
on the contrary likely to prove very consistent in her conduct, that she
has reasoned it out with astonishing sagacity and that you are likely
very soon to smell fire. From that moment she will not in appearance
fail in any of her duties, and will put on the colors of that virtue in
which she is most lacking. Said Crebillon:
“Alas!
Is it right to be heir of the man who we slay?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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