The Physiology of Marriage, Part 3Balzac, Honoré de
Philosophy
The Physiology of Marriage, Part 3
Balzac, Honoré de
Marriage -- Humor
*Some women try to persuade their husbands that they have duties to
perform towards certain persons.
"I am sure that you ought to pay a visit to such and such a man. . . .
We cannot avoid asking such and such a man to dinner."
XVII.
"Come, my son, hold yourself straight: try to acquire good manners!
Watch such and such a man! See how he walks! Notice the way in which
he dresses."
XVIII.
When a woman utters the name of a man but twice a day, there is
perhaps some uncertainty about her feelings toward him--but if thrice?
--Oh! oh!
XIX.
When a woman goes home with a man who is neither a lawyer nor a
minister, to the door of his apartment, she is very imprudent.
XX.
It is a terrible day when a husband fails to explain to himself the
motive of some action of his wife.
XXI.
*The woman who allows herself to be found out deserves her fate.
What should be the conduct of a husband, when he recognizes a last
symptom which leaves no doubt as to the infidelity of his wife? There
are only two courses open; that of resignation or that of vengeance;
there is no third course. If vengeance is decided upon, it should be
complete.
The husband who does not separate himself forever from his wife is a
veritable simpleton. If a wife and husband think themselves fit for
that union of friendship which exists between men, it is odious in the
husband to make his wife feel his superiority over her.
Here are some anecdotes, most of them as yet unpublished, which
indicate pretty plainly, in my opinion, the different shades of
conduct to be observed by a husband in like case.
M. de Roquemont slept once a month in the chamber of his wife, and he
used to say, as he went away:
"I wash my hands of anything that may happen."
There is something disgusting in that remark, and perhaps something
profound in its suggestion of conjugal policy.
A diplomat, when he saw his wife's lover enter, left his study and,
going to his wife's chamber, said to the two:
"I hope you will at least refrain from fighting."
This was good humor.
M. de Boufflers was asked what he would do if on returning after a
long absence he found his wife with child?
"I would order my night dress and slippers to be taken to her room."
This was magnanimity.
"Madame, if this man ill treats you when you are alone, it is your own
fault; but I will not permit him to behave ill towards you in my
presence, for this is to fail in politeness in me."
This was nobility.
The sublime is reached in this connection when the square cap of the
judge is placed by the magistrate at the foot of the bed wherein the
two culprits are asleep.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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