"Oh! Michel, it would be impossible for me to tell you to-day what took
place within me during the two or three minutes that that woman lay
stretched out like a dead woman before my eyes, with her lips as white
and dry as pure wax, her eyes half-open, but strange and expressionless,
her dark hair falling over her brow on which the cold perspiration stood
in beads, and all that exquisite, refined beauty, above all comparison
in my thought. It was not the intoxicating flame of a gross animal
passion that was kindled in my plebeian blood. It was adoration, as pure
and timid and refined and mysterious as the being who inspired it. I
felt an irresistible longing to prostrate myself at the feet of a dead
and gone martyr, for I thought that she was dead, and it seemed as if my
soul were ready to leave the earth with hers.
"I dared not touch her; I did not know what to do to restore her. I had
no voice with which to call for help. I was motionless in my perplexity,
as one is when struggling violently in a horrible dream. At last a phial
fell under my hand, I know not how. She recovered consciousness little
by little, looked at me without seeing me, not understanding or seeking
to understand who I could be. At last she raised herself on her elbow
and seemed to be collecting her thoughts.
"'Who are you, my friend?' she said, seeing me on my knees by her side,
'and what do you want? You seem to feel very sorrowful.'
"'Ah! yes, your highness, God is my witness that I am very unhappy to
have frightened you so.'
"'You did not frighten me,' she said, with an evident embarrassment
which astonished me. 'Did I cry out?--Ah! yes,' she continued, with a
shudder, yielding once more to an impulse of distrust or alarm.--'I was
asleep; you came in; you frightened me. I do not like to be surprised in
that way. But did I say anything unkind to you, that you weep?'
"'No, your highness,' I replied; 'you fainted, and I would rather have
died than have caused you this discomfort.'
"'Am I alone here, pray?' she cried in a tone of distress that tore my
heart. 'Can anybody who pleases enter my apartments and insult me?'--She
rose and ran to her bell-rope. She seemed desperate--beside herself. Her
words and her excitement had affected me so painfully that it did not
occur to me to fly. And yet, if she had rung--if anyone had come--I
should have been treated like a criminal. But she stopped, and the
expression of her face told me the truth at once concerning her
disposition.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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