air of her servants said plainly enough that her disappearance was a
part of some unjust and unnatural punishment.
"When Dionigi died, his heiress reappeared in the palace, with an old
aunt who was little better than he, but who allowed her to breathe a
little more freely. They say that at that time again she had several
brilliant offers of marriage, but that she obstinately refused, thereby
much angering the princess, her aunt. Her death put an end at last to
her niece's persecutions, and at the age of twenty she found herself
alone and free in the house of her fathers. But it was evidently too
late for her to rouse from the state of prostration to which so much
sorrow had brought her. She had lost the strength and the desire to be
happy. She was torpid, a little inclined to be morose, and seemingly
incapable of inviting the affection of others. She gained the affection,
however, of some persons of her own rank, and it is certain that the
Marquis della Serra, whom she refused to marry when he entered the lists
several years ago, has never ceased to love her ardently. Everybody says
so, and I know it; I will tell you how.
"Although I pride myself, without undue boasting, on being a good
workman, I confess that when I am in the palace, I am, in spite of
myself, the slowest of the slow. I am excited and perturbed. The ring of
the hammers irritates my nerves, as if I were a silly girl; I am
overcome by the heat at the slightest exertion with my arms. Every
moment of the time I either have a feeling that I am going to faint, or
am tempted to creep into dark corners, crouch there out of sight, and
allow myself to be left behind. I surprise myself listening, prowling,
spying. I no longer dare to go into the princess's oratory or her
bedroom alone. Oh! no; although I know the road perfectly well. My
respect is stronger now than my insane and restless passion! But if I
can breathe the perfume that escapes through the chinks of the door of
her boudoir; if I can hear, even at a distance, the sound of her light
footsteps, which I know so well--then I am content, I am drunk with joy.
"Thus I have heard, I dare not say involuntarily--for if chance placed
me within earshot, my will was not strong enough to prevent me from
listening,--more than one interview between the princess and the
marquis. How often have I been consumed by frantic jealousy? but I have
acquired certain knowledge that he is only her friend, a loyal,
respectful, submissive friend.
"One day, among others, they had a conversation, every word of which, I
believe, is engraved with fatal distinctness on my memory.
"The princess was saying when I entered the adjoining room:
"'Oh! why question me so persistently? You know, my friend, that I am
absurdly impressionable; that the thought of the past freezes my blood,
and that, if I could make up my mind to speak of it--I believe, yes, I
believe that I should go mad!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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