England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Male friendship -- Fiction; Men -- Societies and clubs -- Fiction
‘Well, you _are_ a nice young ‘ooman for a musical party, you are,’ said
the boot-cleaner. ‘Look at these here boots--eleven pair o’ boots; and
one shoe as belongs to number six, with the wooden leg. The eleven boots
is to be called at half-past eight and the shoe at nine. Who’s number
twenty-two, that’s to put all the others out? No, no; reg’lar rotation,
as Jack Ketch said, ven he tied the men up. Sorry to keep you a-waitin’,
Sir, but I’ll attend to you directly.’
Saying which, the man in the white hat set to work upon a top-boot with
increased assiduity.
There was another loud ring; and the bustling old landlady of the White
Hart made her appearance in the opposite gallery.
‘Sam,’ cried the landlady, ‘where’s that lazy, idle--why, Sam--oh, there
you are; why don’t you answer?’
‘Vouldn’t be gen-teel to answer, till you’d done talking,’ replied Sam
gruffly.
‘Here, clean these shoes for number seventeen directly, and take ‘em to
private sitting-room, number five, first floor.’
The landlady flung a pair of lady’s shoes into the yard, and bustled
away.
‘Number five,’ said Sam, as he picked up the shoes, and taking a piece
of chalk from his pocket, made a memorandum of their destination on the
soles--‘Lady’s shoes and private sittin’-room! I suppose she didn’t come
in the vagin.’
‘She came in early this morning,’ cried the girl, who was still leaning
over the railing of the gallery, ‘with a gentleman in a hackney-coach,
and it’s him as wants his boots, and you’d better do ‘em, that’s all
about it.’
‘Vy didn’t you say so before,’ said Sam, with great indignation,
singling out the boots in question from the heap before him. ‘For all I
know’d he was one o’ the regular threepennies. Private room! and a lady
too! If he’s anything of a gen’l’m’n, he’s vurth a shillin’ a day, let
alone the arrands.’
Stimulated by this inspiring reflection, Mr. Samuel brushed away with
such hearty good-will, that in a few minutes the boots and shoes, with a
polish which would have struck envy to the soul of the amiable Mr.
Warren (for they used Day & Martin at the White Hart), had arrived at
the door of number five.
‘Come in,’ said a man’s voice, in reply to Sam’s rap at the door. Sam
made his best bow, and stepped into the presence of a lady and gentleman
seated at breakfast. Having officiously deposited the gentleman’s boots
right and left at his feet, and the lady’s shoes right and left at hers,
he backed towards the door.
‘Boots,’ said the gentleman.
‘Sir,’ said Sam, closing the door, and keeping his hand on the knob of
the lock.
‘Do you know--what’s a-name--Doctors’ Commons?’
‘Yes, Sir.’
‘Where is it?’
‘Paul’s Churchyard, Sir; low archway on the carriage side, bookseller’s
at one corner, hotel on the other, and two porters in the middle as
touts for licences.’
‘Touts for licences!’ said the gentleman.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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