England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Male friendship -- Fiction; Men -- Societies and clubs -- Fiction
He was a prim-faced, red-nosed man, with a long, thin countenance, and a
semi-rattlesnake sort of eye--rather sharp, but decidedly bad. He wore
very short trousers, and black cotton stockings, which, like the rest of
his apparel, were particularly rusty. His looks were starched, but his
white neckerchief was not, and its long limp ends straggled over his
closely-buttoned waistcoat in a very uncouth and unpicturesque fashion.
A pair of old, worn, beaver gloves, a broad-brimmed hat, and a faded
green umbrella, with plenty of whalebone sticking through the bottom, as
if to counterbalance the want of a handle at the top, lay on a chair
beside him; and, being disposed in a very tidy and careful manner,
seemed to imply that the red-nosed man, whoever he was, had no intention
of going away in a hurry.
To do the red-nosed man justice, he would have been very far from wise
if he had entertained any such intention; for, to judge from all
appearances, he must have been possessed of a most desirable circle of
acquaintance, if he could have reasonably expected to be more
comfortable anywhere else. The fire was blazing brightly under the
influence of the bellows, and the kettle was singing gaily under the
influence of both. A small tray of tea-things was arranged on the table;
a plate of hot buttered toast was gently simmering before the fire; and
the red-nosed man himself was busily engaged in converting a large slice
of bread into the same agreeable edible, through the instrumentality of
a long brass toasting-fork. Beside him stood a glass of reeking hot
pine-apple rum-and-water, with a slice of lemon in it; and every time
the red-nosed man stopped to bring the round of toast to his eye, with
the view of ascertaining how it got on, he imbibed a drop or two of the
hot pine-apple rum-and-water, and smiled upon the rather stout lady, as
she blew the fire.
Sam was so lost in the contemplation of this comfortable scene, that he
suffered the first inquiry of the rather stout lady to pass unheeded. It
was not until it had been twice repeated, each time in a shriller tone,
that he became conscious of the impropriety of his behaviour.
‘Governor in?’ inquired Sam, in reply to the question.
‘No, he isn’t,’ replied Mrs. Weller; for the rather stout lady was no
other than the quondam relict and sole executrix of the dead-and-gone
Mr. Clarke; ‘no, he isn’t, and I don’t expect him, either.’
‘I suppose he’s drivin’ up to-day?’ said Sam.
‘He may be, or he may not,’ replied Mrs. Weller, buttering the round of
toast which the red-nosed man had just finished. ‘I don’t know, and,
what’s more, I don’t care.--Ask a blessin’, Mr. Stiggins.’
The red-nosed man did as he was desired, and instantly commenced on the
toast with fierce voracity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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