England -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Male friendship -- Fiction; Men -- Societies and clubs -- Fiction
Mr. Winkle, stooping forward, with his body half doubled up, was being
assisted over the ice by Mr. Weller, in a very singular and un-swan-like
manner, when Mr. Pickwick most innocently shouted from the opposite
bank--
‘Sam!’
‘Sir?’
‘Here. I want you.’
‘Let go, Sir,’ said Sam. ‘Don’t you hear the governor a-callin’? Let go,
sir.’
With a violent effort, Mr. Weller disengaged himself from the grasp of
the agonised Pickwickian, and, in so doing, administered a considerable
impetus to the unhappy Mr. Winkle. With an accuracy which no degree of
dexterity or practice could have insured, that unfortunate gentleman
bore swiftly down into the centre of the reel, at the very moment when
Mr. Bob Sawyer was performing a flourish of unparalleled beauty. Mr.
Winkle struck wildly against him, and with a loud crash they both fell
heavily down. Mr. Pickwick ran to the spot. Bob Sawyer had risen to his
feet, but Mr. Winkle was far too wise to do anything of the kind, in
skates. He was seated on the ice, making spasmodic efforts to smile; but
anguish was depicted on every lineament of his countenance.
‘Are you hurt?’ inquired Mr. Benjamin Allen, with great anxiety.
‘Not much,’ said Mr. Winkle, rubbing his back very hard.
‘I wish you’d let me bleed you,’ said Mr. Benjamin, with great
eagerness.
‘No, thank you,’ replied Mr. Winkle hurriedly.
‘I really think you had better,’ said Allen.
‘Thank you,’ replied Mr. Winkle; ‘I’d rather not.’
‘What do _you _think, Mr. Pickwick?’ inquired Bob Sawyer.
Mr. Pickwick was excited and indignant. He beckoned to Mr. Weller, and
said in a stern voice, ‘Take his skates off.’
‘No; but really I had scarcely begun,’ remonstrated Mr. Winkle.
‘Take his skates off,’ repeated Mr. Pickwick firmly.
The command was not to be resisted. Mr. Winkle allowed Sam to obey it,
in silence.
‘Lift him up,’ said Mr. Pickwick. Sam assisted him to rise.
Mr. Pickwick retired a few paces apart from the bystanders; and,
beckoning his friend to approach, fixed a searching look upon him, and
uttered in a low, but distinct and emphatic tone, these remarkable
words--
‘You’re a humbug, sir.’
A what?’ said Mr. Winkle, starting.
‘A humbug, Sir. I will speak plainer, if you wish it. An impostor, sir.’
With those words, Mr. Pickwick turned slowly on his heel, and rejoined
his friends.
While Mr. Pickwick was delivering himself of the sentiment just
recorded, Mr. Weller and the fat boy, having by their joint endeavours
cut out a slide, were exercising themselves thereupon, in a very
masterly and brilliant manner. Sam Weller, in particular, was displaying
that beautiful feat of fancy-sliding which is currently denominated
‘knocking at the cobbler’s door,’ and which is achieved by skimming over
the ice on one foot, and occasionally giving a postman’s knock upon it
with the other. It was a good long slide, and there was something in the
motion which Mr. Pickwick, who was very cold with standing still, could
not help envying.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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