Love -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
What men said of him had roused her incredulous admiration, and he
seemed to dislike women as much as he respected them. His honesty, his
deference, and his grave good looks attracted her from the first; his
sympathy and discernment riveted the attraction. He reproved her
optimism in vain; for was he not its embodiment?
Terence, unconscious of being anything but a somewhat poor companion,
discussed the sentiments she suggested, growing ever more astounded by
her severance from realities, and more touched by her unhappy days.
Of her husband's life he knew more than she had surmised, but she had
surmised enough to make wifehood an indignity. His unfaithfulness, as
a stye by which she had to live, soured for her every odour in the
world. She had not the vigour to ignore it, nor the courage to escape.
She had dreamed of marriage as a royal feast; she woke to find herself
among the swine.
The discovery would have hardened some women into defiance; some would
have sheltered with it their own intrigues; but the shock cowed in her
all further curiosity in existence. If life were really like the bit
she had tasted, she preferred to starve. The other men she met seemed
as horrible as her husband; they had the same speech, the same jests,
the same dissipations.
She shrank more and more into herself; even women revolted her by their
tolerance of men's presumptions.
Then Terence came. Like a plant grown in darkness, her anaemic
delicacy of thought responded with an unhealthy exuberance to the first
ray of sunlight. She listened to his silences and found them
refreshing; then she drew him into speech.
He spoke of much that she could not understand, but his obscurities
were an intoxication, and not, as those of other men, a dread. She
felt there was something wide and fine behind his words; a coherence,
an integrity; she was vaguely pleased to feel it there, though its
quality did not interest her at all. What did was her own expansion in
the atmosphere of sympathetic confidence it had created.
Her expansiveness was, at times, distasteful to him. The secrets of a
woman's moral toilet-table may be more disconcerting than those her
boudoir guarded. To be discursive about either seemed to him to lack
the finer reticence of life. A man's sight, if he could see at all,
was a sufficient sentry to his admiration; and the little it allowed
him he might be suffered to enjoy. To label the false wherever one
found it would be to leave a world only fit for fools.
Terence, however, wronged her by imagining her confidences habitual.
He suggested the insecurity of entrusting such things to men.
"To men!" she exclaimed, shrinking. "Do you suppose I do?"
He did; but renounced the conception penitently in view of her dismay,
and lent a more consciously honoured, if more embarrassed ear. But
compassion overcame his embarrassment; and he thought less often of her
indiscretions than of her loneliness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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