Love -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
Maurice recognized the obligation; but he asked a breathing space in
which to adjust the machinery. There was a good deal to be arranged,
he said. There was considerably more than could be told a bride. His
affairs, he explained, entangled by the provisions of his father's
will, were beginning to adjust themselves. But his income for the
present was provisional, and till certain securities had been realized
and charges paid--things which could not be hurried--he would hardly
know how he stood, not definitely enough, at any rate, to speak of
settlements.
Lettice made a mouth at that.
"I know," he said, as he softened its displeasure, "but there's your
brother!"--he was her guardian and the sole trustee of her small
possessions. "I can take a shot at his first question."
"Oh, so can I," she sighed. "But when will you be able to answer it?"
"Say in six months," he suggested. "Can you have all that patience?"
She nodded, and so, quite honestly, Caragh obtained his respite; though
the arrangements for which he needed it were not entirely financial.
It was, curiously enough, the very honesty of the transaction which
troubled his Celtic mind as he travelled eastward.
Since he had to hide from her the real necessity for postponement, he
would have preferred to hide it behind the responsible audacity of a
lie; behind something for which he could feel manfully and contritely
accountable.
Deception was least endurable which did not compromise the deceiver.
He hated the hedging truth.
He hated more things that morning than he often took the trouble even
to think about, and they were mostly phases of himself. He was
conscious too, as the train rolled across the weary strapwork of
stonewalled fields, of a new sensation. He felt to have left a part of
himself in Ballindra, fastened there securely, yet tied to him still by
a thread that seemed drawn out of him, as the weaving filament from a
spider's body, which, far or fast as he might travel, he could not
break. It would hold him and bring him back.
The part which he had left there was the pledge he had given, the word
of his honour; a word which had been a lie at best: yet no true oath
that he had ever sworn had seemed to have half its sanctity. It was
her belief that made it sacred and more binding than the truth.
The proud way she wore this mock jewel, as though it were a priceless
stone, shut for ever the giver's lips upon its value.
If he had once loved her he might have faced her without disgrace in
the day his love had died, but there was no grace left him now but his
deception. That, henceforth, was to be the high thing, the stimulating
fineness of his life; and, curiously enough, it woke in him a
determination, manful and tender, which no real passion of the past had
been able to arouse.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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