The higher the culture of a people the more prominent becomes the
display of mental qualities in conjunction with physical advantages.
We have seen that the opportunity to speak in public is often the
leading stimulus in the mental fighting play of argument, and in the
intercourse of the sexes the decorous display of one’s intellectual
advantages appears as a further play, be it whether the man simply
wishes to show his powers to their best advantage in the presence of
beautiful women, or whether he intends his gallantry as a direct attack
on the feminine heart. Every one knows how common this is as a mere
play, apart from any serious intention, and, indeed, that it is the
habit of man to play the gallant even when he is not especially “laying
himself out” to be attractive. The much-decried unseemly haste of men
in society to seek refuge in the smoking room after dinner is due
certainly in part to their fatigue after keeping up the play so long
and trying to appear superior to their ordinary selves.
But earnest courtship, too, easily assumes a playful character, because
the pleasure in self-exhibition and the satisfaction of vanity easily
become ends in themselves. The stilted and flowery epistolary style
common a few generations ago doubtless grew up in this way, and the old
letters published as models for lovers are good instances of this sort
of extravagance.
Coquetry in the other sex is allied to self-exhibition in the male, but
it is of so complicated a character that a special section is devoted
to its treatment. Usually the word conveys the idea of a heartless use
and enjoyment of a woman’s power over men, but it really has a much
wider meaning which is of great biological importance.
Not only among human beings, but in the animal world as well, peculiar
behaviour is noticeable on the part of females, which is based on the
antagonism of two instincts—namely, the sexual impulse and inborn
coyness. Hence arises that alternate seeking and fleeing for which I
know no better name than coquetry, which is thus seen to be often quite
different from mere heartless play. A simple illustration is that of
the doe followed by an ardent buck; she flees, but it is always in a
circle.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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