The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur SymonsDowson, Ernest Christopher
General
The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur Symons
Dowson, Ernest Christopher
Authors, English; English poetry
Though it was not until many years had passed that I heard that little
criticism, the purchase of my fiddle was destined very shortly to
bring my life in contact with its author. Those were the days when a
certain restraint grew up between Ninette and myself. Ninette, it must
be confessed, was jealous of the fiddle. Perhaps she knew
instinctively that music was with me a single and absorbing passion,
from which she was excluded. She was no genius, little Ninette, and
her organ was nothing more to her than the means of making a
livelihood; she felt not the smallest _tendresse_ for it, and could
not understand why a dead and inanimate fiddle, made of mere wood and
catgut, should be any more to me than that. How could she know that to
me it was never a dead thing, that even when it hung hopelessly out of
my reach, in the window of M. Boudinot, before ever it had given out
wild, impassioned music beneath my hands, it was always a live thing
to me, alive and with a human, throbbing heart, vibrating with hope
and passion.
So Ninette was jealous of the fiddle, and being proud in her way, she
became more and more quiet and reticent, and drew herself aloof from
me, although, wrapped up as I was in the double egoism of art and
boyhood, I failed to notice this. I have been sorry since that any
shadow of misunderstanding should have clouded the closing days of our
partnership. It is late to regret now, however. When my fiddle was
added to our belongings, we took to going out separately. It was more
profitable, and, besides, Ninette, I think, saw that I was growing a
little ashamed of her organ. On one of these occasions, as I played
before a house in the Faubourg St. Germain, the turning point of my
life befell me. The house, outside which I had taken my station was a
large, white one, with a balcony on the first floor. This balcony was
unoccupied, but the window looking to it was open, and through the
lace curtains I could distinguish the sound of voices. I began to
play; at first, one of the airs that Maddalena had taught me; but
before it was finished, I had glided off, as usual, into an
improvisation.
When I was playing like that, I threw all my soul into my fingers, and
I had neither ears nor eyes for anything round me. I did not therefore
notice until I had finished playing that a lady and a young man had
come out into the balcony, and were beckoning to me.
'Bravo!' cried the lady enthusiastically, but she did not throw me the
reward I had expected. She turned and said something to her companion,
who smiled and disappeared. I waited expectantly, thinking perhaps she
had sent him for her purse. Presently the door opened, and the young
man issued from it. He came to me and touched me on the shoulder.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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