The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur SymonsDowson, Ernest Christopher
General
The Poems and Prose of Ernest Dowson, With a Memoir by Arthur Symons
Dowson, Ernest Christopher
Authors, English; English poetry
_Dame!_ I think he would own himself mistaken now. Mr. Felix
Leominster himself is not a greater social success than the Baron
Antonio Antonelli, of the Legion of Honour. I am as sensitive as any
one to the smallest spot on my linen, and Duchesses rave about my
charming manners.
For the rest my souvenirs are not very numerous. I lived in Germany
until I made my _début_, and I never heard anything more of Ninette.
The history of my life is very much the history of my art: and that
you know. I have always been an art-concentrated
man--self-concentrated, my friend Felix Leominster tells me
frankly--and since I was a boy nothing has ever troubled the serene
repose of my egoism.
It is strange considering the way people rant about the 'passionate
sympathy' of my playing, the 'enormous potentiality of suffering'
revealed in my music, how singularly free from passion and disturbance
my life has been.
I have never let myself be troubled by what is commonly called 'love.'
To be frank with you, I do not much believe in it. Of the two
principal elements of which it is composed, vanity and egoism, I have
too little of the former, too much of the latter, too much coldness
withal in my character to suffer from it. My life has been notoriously
irreproachable. I figure in polemical literature as an instance of a
man who has lived in contact with the demoralising influence of the
stage, and will yet go to Heaven. _A la bonne heure!_
I am coming to the end of my souvenirs and of my cigar at the same
time. I must convey a coin somehow to that dreary person outside, who
is grinding now half-way down the street.
On consideration, I decide emphatically against opening the window and
presenting it that way. If the fog once gets in, it will utterly spoil
me for any work this evening. I feel myself in travail also of two
charming little _Lieder_ that all this thinking about Ninette has
suggested. How would 'Chansons de Gamine' do for a title? I think it
best, on second thoughts, to ring for Giacomo, my man, and send him
out with the half-crown I propose to sacrifice on the altar of
sentiment. Doubtless the musician is a country-woman of his, and if he
pockets the coin, that is his look out.
Now if I was writing a romance, what a chance I have got. I should
tell you how my organ-grinder turned out to be no other than Ninette.
Of course she would not be spoilt or changed by the years--just the
same Ninette. Then what scope for a pathetic scene of reconciliation
and forgiveness--the whole to conclude with a peal of marriage bells,
two people living together 'happy ever after.' But I am not writing a
romance, and I am a musician, not a poet.
Sometimes, however, it strikes me that I should like to see Ninette
again, and I find myself seeking traces of her in childish faces in
the street.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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