SIR, 'twas a most unfriendly part In you, who ought to know my heart, Are well acquainted with my zeal For all the female commonweal-- How could it come into your mind To pitch on me, of all mankind, Against the sex to write a satire, And brand me for a woman-hater? On me, who think them all so fair, They rival Venus to a hair; Their virtues never ceased to sing, Since first I learn'd to tune a string? Methinks I hear the ladies cry, Will he his character belie? Must never our misfortunes end? And have we lost our only friend? Ah, lovely nymphs! remove your fears, No more let fall those precious tears. Sooner shall, etc. [Here several verses are omitted.] The hound be hunted by the hare, Than I turn rebel to the fair. 'Twas you engaged me first to write, Then gave the subject out of spite: The journal of a modern dame, Is, by my promise, what you claim. My word is past, I must submit; And yet perhaps you may be bit. I but transcribe; for not a line Of all the satire shall be mine. Compell'd by you to tag in rhymes The common slanders of the times, Of modern times, the guilt is yours, And me my innocence secures. Unwilling Muse, begin thy lay, The annals of a female day. By nature turn'd to play the rake well, (As we shall show you in the sequel,) The modern dame is waked by noon, (Some authors say not quite so soon,) Because, though sore against her will, She sat all night up at quadrille. She stretches, gapes, unglues her eyes, And asks if it be time to rise; Of headache and the spleen complains; And then, to cool her heated brains, Her night-gown and her slippers brought her, Takes a large dram of citron water. Then to her glass; and, "Betty, pray, Don't I look frightfully to-day? But was it not confounded hard? Well, if I ever touch a card! Four matadores, and lose codille! Depend upon't, I never will. But run to Tom, and bid him fix The ladies here to-night by six." "Madam, the goldsmith waits below; He says, his business is to know If you'll redeem the silver cup He keeps in pawn?"--"Why, show him up." "Your dressing-plate he'll be content To take, for interest _cent. per cent._ And, madam, there's my Lady Spade Has sent this letter by her maid." "Well, I remember what she won; And has she sent so soon to dun? Here, carry down these ten pistoles My husband left to pay for coals: I thank my stars they all are light, And I may have revenge to-night." Now, loitering o'er her tea and cream, She enters on her usual theme; Her last night's ill success repeats, Calls Lady Spade a hundred cheats: "She slipt spadillo in her breast, Then thought to turn it to a jest: There's Mrs. Cut and she combine, And to each other give the sign." Through every game pursues her tale, Like hunters o'er their evening ale. Now to another scene give place: Enter the folks with silks and lace: Fresh matter for a world of chat, Right Indian this, right Mechlin that: "Observe this pattern--there's a stuff; I can have customers enough.