[Footnote 2: Henry Singleton, Esq., then prime sergeant, afterwards lord-chief-justice of the common pleas, which he resigned, and was some time after made master of the rolls.--_F_.] BETTESWORTH'S EXULTATION UPON HEARING THAT HIS NAME WOULD BE TRANSMITTED TO POSTERITY IN DR. SWIFT'S WORKS. BY WILLIAM DUNKIN Well! now, since the heat of my passion's abated, That the Dean hath lampoon'd me, my mind is elated:-- Lampoon'd did I call it?--No--what was it then? What was it?--'Twas fame to be lash'd by his pen: For had he not pointed me out, I had slept till E'en doomsday, a poor insignificant reptile; Half lawyer, half actor, pert, dull, and inglorious, Obscure, and unheard of--but now I'm notorious: Fame has but two gates, a white and a black one; The worst they can say is, I got in at the back one: If the end be obtain'd 'tis equal what portal I enter, since I'm to be render'd immortal: So clysters applied to the anus, 'tis said, By skilful physicians, give ease to the head-- Though my title be spurious, why should I be dastard, A man is a man, though he should be a bastard. Why sure 'tis some comfort that heroes should slay us, If I fall, I would fall by the hand of Æneas; And who by the Drapier would not rather damn'd be, Than demigoddized by madrigal Namby?[1] A man is no more who has once lost his breath; But poets convince us there’s life after death. They call from their graves the king, or the peasant; Re-act our old deeds, and make what's past present: And when they would study to set forth alike, So the lines be well drawn, and the colours but strike, Whatever the subject be, coward or hero, A tyrant or patriot, a Titus or Nero; To a judge 'tis all one which he fixes his eye on, And a well-painted monkey's as good as a lion. [Footnote 1: Ambrose Philips. See _ante_, vol. i, p. 288.--_W. E. B._] AN EPIGRAM The scriptures affirm (as I heard in my youth, For indeed I ne'er read them, to speak for once truth) That death is the wages of sin, but the just Shall die not, although they be laid in the dust. They say so; so be it, I care not a straw, Although I be dead both in gospel and law; In verse I shall live, and be read in each climate; What more can be said of prime sergeant or primate? While Carter and Prendergast both may be rotten, And damn'd to the bargain, and yet be forgotten. AN EPIGRAM INSCRIBED TO THE HONOURABLE SERGEANT KITE In your indignation what mercy appears, While Jonathan's threaten'd with loss of his ears; For who would not think it a much better choice, By your knife to be mangled than rack'd with your voice. If truly you [would] be revenged on the parson, Command his attendance while you act your farce on; Instead of your maiming, your shooting, or banging, Bid Povey[1] secure him while you are haranguing. Had this been your method to torture him, long since, He had cut his own ears to be deaf to your nonsense. [Footnote 1: Povey was sergeant-at-arms to the House of Commons.--_Scott_.]