What a figure it cut when as Norval I spoke! With a lanky right leg duly planted before; Whilst I told of the chief that was kill'd by my stroke, And extended _my_ arms as "the arms that he wore!" Next a Lover--Oh! say, were you ever in love? With a lady too cold--and your bosom too hot? Have you bow'd to a shoe-tie, and knelt to a glove, Like a _beau_ that desired to be tied in a knot? With the Bride all in white, and your body in blue, Did you walk up the aisle--the genteelest of men? When I think of that beautiful vision anew, Oh! I seem but the _biffin_ of what I was then! I am withered and worn by a premature care, And wrinkles confess the decline of my days; Old Time's busy hand has made free with my hair, And I'm seeking to hide it--by writing for bays! A TRUE STORY. Of all our pains, since man was curst, I mean of body, not the mental, To name the worst, among the worst, The dental sure is transcendental; Some bit of masticating bone, That ought to help to clear a shelf, But lets its proper work alone, And only seems to gnaw itself; In fact, of any grave attack On victual there is little danger, 'Tis so like coming to the _rack,_ As well as going to the manger. Old Hunks--it seemed a fit retort Of justice on his grinding ways-- Possessed a grinder of the sort, That troubled all his latter days. The best of friends fall out, and so His teeth had done some years ago, Save some old stumps with ragged root, And they took turn about to shoot; If he drank any chilly liquor, They made it quite a point to throb; But if he warmed it on the hob, Why then they only twitched the quicker. One tooth--I wonder such a tooth Had never killed him in his youth-- One tooth he had with many fangs, That shot at once as many pangs, It had a universal sting; One touch of that ecstatic stump Could jerk his limbs and make him jump, Just like a puppet on a string; And what was worse than all, it had A way of making others bad. There is, as many know, a knack, With certain farming undertakers, And this same tooth pursued their track, By adding _achers_ still to _achers_! One way there is, that has been judged A certain cure, but Hunks was loth To pay the fee, and quite begrudged To lose his tooth and money both; In fact, a dentist and the wheel Of Fortune are a kindred cast, For after all is drawn, you feel It's paying for a blank at last; So Hunks went on from week to week, And kept his torment in his cheek; Oh! how it sometimes set him rocking, With that perpetual gnaw--gnaw--gnaw, His moans and groans were truly shocking, And loud,--altho' he held his jaw. Many a tug he gave his gum And tooth, but still it would not come, Tho' tied to string by some firm thing, He could not draw it, do his best, By draw'rs, altho' he tried a chest.