Each bias in some master node is:-- What takes M'Adam where a road is, To hammer little pebbles less? His organ of Destructiveness. What makes great Joseph so encumber Debate? a lumping lump of Number: Or Malthas rail at babies so? The smallness of his Philopro-- What severs man and wife? a simple Defect of the Adhesive pimple: Or makes weak women go astray? Their bumps are more in fault than they. These facts being found and set in order By grave M. D.'s beyond the Border, To make them for some months eternal, Were entered monthly in a journal, That many a northern sage still writes in, And throws his little Northern Lights in, And proves and proves about the phrenos, A great deal more than I or he knows: How Music suffers, _par exemple_, By wearing tight hats round the temple; What ills great boxers have to fear From blisters put behind the ear; And how a porter's Veneration Is hurt by porter's occupation; Whether shillelaghs in reality May deaden Individuality; Or tongs and poker be creative Of alterations in th' Amative; If falls from scaffolds make us less Inclined to all Constructiveness: With more such matters, all applying To heads--and therefore _head-ifying_. THE WEE MAN. A ROMANCE. It was a merry company, And they were just afloat, When lo! a man, of dwarfish span, Came up and hailed the boat. "Good morrow to ye, gentle folks, And will you let me in? A slender space will serve my case, For I am small and thin." They saw he was a dwarfish man, And very small and thin; Not seven such would matter much, And so they took him in. They laughed to see his little hat, With such a narrow brim; They laughed to note his dapper coat, With skirts so scant and trim. But barely had they gone a mile, When, gravely, one and all At once began to think the man Was not so very small: His coat had got a broader skirt, His hat a broader brim; His leg grew stout, and soon plumped out A very proper limb. Still on they went, and as they went, More rough the billows grew,-- And rose and fell, a greater swell, And he was swelling too! And lo! where room had been for seven, For six there scarce was space! For five!--for four!--for three!--not more Than two could find a place! There was not even room for one! They crowded by degrees-- Ay--closer yet, till elbows met, And knees were jogging knees. "Good sir, you must not sit a-stern, The wave will else come in!" Without a word he gravely stirred, Another seat to win. "Good sir, the boat has lost her trim, You must not sit a-lee!" With smiling face and courteous grace, The middle seat took he. But still, by constant quiet growth, His back became so wide, Each neighbor wight, to left and right, Was thrust against the side. Lord! how they chided with themselves, That they had let him in; To see him grow so monstrous now, That came so small and thin.