and a low state of the moral feeling for that courage; and a further
progress towards the development of the higher nature would, for a time
at least, entirely overthrow it. Nor could such loss of courage be
rightly designated by the name of cowardice. But, alas! the colonel
happened to fix his eyes upon him as he passed along the file; and this
completed his confusion. He betrayed such evident symptoms of
perturbation, that that officer ordered him under arrest; and the result
was, that, chiefly for the sake of example to the army, he was, upon
trial by court-martial, expelled from the service, and had his sword
broken over his head. Alas for the delicate minded youth! Alas for the
home-darling!
Long after, he found at the bottom of his chest the pieces of the broken
sword, and remembered that, at the time, he had lifted them from the
ground and carried them away. But he could not recall under what impulse
he had done so. Perhaps the agony he suffered, passing the bounds of
mortal endurance, had opened for him a vista into the eternal, and had
shown him, if not the injustice of the sentence passed upon him, yet his
freedom from blame, or, endowing him with dim prophetic vision, had
given him the assurance that some day the stain would be wiped from his
soul, and leave him standing clear before the tribunal of his own
honour. Some feeling like this, I say, may have caused him, with a
passing gleam of indignant protest, to lift the fragments from the
earth, and carry them away; even as the friends of a so-called traitor
may bear away his mutilated body from the wheel. But if such was the
case, the vision was soon overwhelmed and forgotten in the succeeding
anguish. He could not see that, in mercy to his doubting spirit, the
question which had agitated his mind almost to madness, and which no
results of the impending conflict could have settled for him, was thus
quietly set aside for the time; nor that, painful as was the dark,
dreadful existence that he was now to pass in self-torment and moaning,
it would go by, and leave his spirit clearer far, than if, in his
apprehension, it had been stained with further blood-guiltiness, instead
of the loss of honour. Years after, when he accidentally learned that on
that very morning the whole of his company, with parts of several more,
had, or ever they began to mount the breach, been blown to pieces by the
explosion of a mine, he cried aloud in bitterness, “Would God that my
fear had not been discovered before I reached that spot!” But surely it
is better to pass into the next region of life having reaped some
assurance, some firmness of character, determination of effort, and
consciousness of the worth of life, in the present world; so approaching
the future steadily and faithfully, and if in much darkness and
ignorance, yet not in the oscillations of moral uncertainty.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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