She glanced round the room, caught sight of the lay figure where it had
not been before, looked at the couch, and saw the pall yet heaved up
from beneath, opened her eyes till the entire white sweep around the
iris suggested a new expression of consternation to Teufelsbürst, though
from a quarter whence he did not desire or look for it; and then,
without a word, sat down to a drawing she had been busy upon the day
before. But her father, glancing at her now, as Wolkenlicht had used to
do, could not help seeing that she was frightfully pale. She showed no
other sign of uneasiness. As soon as he released her, she withdrew, with
one more glance, as she passed, at the couch and the figure blocked out
in black upon it. She hastened to her chamber, shut and locked the door,
sat down on the side of the couch, and fell, not a-weeping, but
a-thinking. Was he dead? What did it matter? They would all be dead
soon. Her mother was dead already. It was only that the earth could not
bear more children, except she devoured those to whom she had already
given birth. But what if they had to come back in another form, and live
another sad, hopeless, love-less life over again?--And so she went on
questioning, and receiving no replies; while through all her thoughts
passed and repassed the eyes of Wolkenlicht, which she had often felt to
be upon her when she did not see them, wild with repressed longing, the
light of their love shining through the veil of diffused tears, ever
gathering and never overflowing. Then came the pale face, so
worshipping, so distant in its self-withdrawn devotion, slowly dawning
out of the vapours of her reverie. When it vanished, she tried to see it
again. It would not come when she called it; but when her thoughts left
knocking at the door of the lost, and wandered away, out came the pale,
troubled, silent face again, gathering itself up from some unknown nook
in her world of phantasy, and once more, when she tried to steady it by
the fixedness of her own regard, fading back into the mist. So the
phantasm of the dead drew near and wooed, as the living had never
dared.--What if there were any good in loving? What if men and women did
not die all out, but some dim shade of each, like that pale, mind-ghost
of Wolkenlicht, floated through the eternal vapours of chaos? And what
if they might sometimes cross each other’s path, meet, know that they
met, love on? Would not that revive the withered memory, fix the
fleeting ghost, give a new habitation, a body even, to the poor,
unhoused wanderers, frozen by the eternal frosts, no longer thinking
beings, but thoughts wandering through the brain of the “Melancholy
Mass?” Back with the thought came the face of the dead Karl, and the
maiden threw herself on her bed in a flood of bitter tears. She could
have loved him if he had only lived: she did love him, for he was dead.
But even in the midst of the remorse that followed--for had she not
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account