She had been feeling discouraged lately, although she would not own
it even to herself. She saw Robert but seldom, and her aunt was no
better. She often wondered if there could be anything before her but
that one track of drudgery for daily bread upon which she had set
out. She wondered if she ought not to say positively to Robert that
there must be no thought of anything between them in the future. She
wondered if she were not wronging him. Once or twice she had seen
him riding with Miss Hemingway, and thought that, after all, that
was a girl better suited to him, and perhaps if he had no hope
whatever of her he might turn to the other to his own advantage. But
to-night, with the clear stimulus of the frost in her lungs, and her
eyes and soul dazzled with the multiplicity of stars, she began to
have a great impetus of courage, like a soldier on the morning of
battle. She felt as if she could fight for her joy and the joy of
others, and victory would in the end be certain; that the chances of
victory ran to infinity, and could not be measured.
However, all the while, in spite of her stimulation of spirits,
there was that vague sense of excitement, as over some impending
crisis. That she could not throw off. Suddenly she found herself
searching the road ahead of her, and often turning at the fancied
sound of a footstep. She began to wish that her father had come with
her; then she told herself how foolish she was, for he had a cold,
and this keen air would have been sure to give him more. The
electric-car passed her, and she had a grateful sense of
companionship. She looked after its diminishing light in the
distance, and almost wished that she had stopped it, but car-fares
had to be counted carefully.
She began to dread unspeakably passing the factories. She told
herself that there was no sense in it, that it was not late, that
the electric-light made it like high noon, that there was a watchman
in each building, that there was nothing whatever to fear; but it
was in vain. It was only by a great effort of her will that she did
not turn and go back home when she reached Lloyd's.
Lloyd's came first; then, a few rods farther, on the other side of
the street, McGuire's, and then Briggs's.
Ellen had a library book under her arm, and she clutched her
dress-skirt firmly. A terror as to the supernatural was stealing
over her. She felt as she had when waking in the night from some
dreadful dream, though all the time she was dinning in her ears how
foolish she was. She saw the lantern of the night-watchman in
Lloyd's moving down a stair which crossed a window.
She came opposite Lloyd's, and, just as she did so, saw a dark
figure descending the right-hand flight of stairs from the entrance
platform. She thought, from something in the carriage, that it was
Mr. Lloyd, and hung back a little, reflecting that she would keep
behind him all the way to town.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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