An old woman presented herself at the telegraph office at Waterloo Station and asked the clerk to write down a message to her son at Portsmouth. When this was done, she said, pointing to an advertisement in large type hanging in the office, “Would you mind sending it in print like that, as my son cannot read very well.” I suppose many of us have as children watched the telegraph wires to see if we could detect any movement. The nursemaid of a telegraph official said to her mistress one day, “I do not think they are very busy where master is employed, because I have been standing on the railway bridge a long time without seeing one message go by.” A young woman who was about to despatch a telegram was heard to remark to her companion, “I must write this out afresh, as I don't want Mrs. M—— to receive this untidy telegram.” When telegraph business was recently introduced into a village in Northamptonshire, most of the inhabitants spent a good portion of their time in watching the newly-erected wires. At length one old lady who had been especially diligent in her vigilance, was overheard remarking: “Wal, that's a rum un. I can hear them eer wires a hummin, but I ain't seen one of them eer yaller envelopes come up yet.” The limitation of twelve words for sixpence is often a severe lesson in brevity and compression. A happy lover was once cast into the deepest despair on receiving this telegram: “Come as soon as you can; I am dying—Kate.” He went, found Kate alive and well, and she explained she had wanted to say she was dying to see him, but her twelve words had been exhausted: she thought he would understand. To give another instance of a telegraphic error, a pleasure party telegraphed to some friends that they had arrived “all right,” but the message was delivered as “all tight.” And yet another story. A merchant away from home, learning of the illness of his wife, telegraphed to his family doctor for particulars. He received the following reply: “No danger; your wife has had a child. If we can keep her from having another to-night she will do well.” Of course the letter “d” in child had been substituted for “l.” The lady was suffering from a chill. Many of the questions asked of the Secretary of the General Post Office in respect to the telegraph are not from _bona-fide_ seekers after postal information, but are sometimes evidently from those who are engaged in newspaper competitions. For instance, the Secretary was thought the right and proper person to answer this question: “How long was the cable news being transmitted from England to America with the news of Iroquois winning the English Derby 1881?” But the Department provides special telegraphic facilities at race meetings, and the man may have thought that the Secretary was _ex officio_ a racing man.