'I thought you didn't approve of wedding favours?' It was an opening of
the siege at the very furthermost outworks of the position which she
frustrated by a laugh.
'Oh, it doesn't matter! other people seem to like them, and I've made
you such a beauty. There it is, beside you on the table--take care!
you're almost sitting on it. Smell it, it's real orange-blossom.'
There was apparently not a vacant chair in the room. They were all
occupied with white wreaths and true lovers' knots--but with a cross
here and there he was glad to see--so he continued to lean against the
table, smelling perfunctorily at his own favour, and thinking of the
utter inconsequence of the feminine mind, until a certain irritation
came to his aid.
'I wish you would put that work down for a minute, Rose,' he said
quietly. 'I have something I want to say to you.'
Her hands paused, arrested among the white ribbons, her mind on one
word; for he had never before called her by her Christian name. So she
sat looking at him doubtfully, with the light from the windows behind
her edging the great coils of her hair with bronze.
'I have come to tell you that I'm a fool,' he began almost
argumentatively. 'At least, I suppose it's foolish. I am quite ready to
admit, if you like, that it is so; but the fact remains. I can't go on
as we are--as we have been, I should say--any longer. Don't think it is
because I cannot understand. I do--at least I think I do. You are my
friend, Rose, and will be that always, I hope. I don't say the best
friend I ever had, or ever shall have, because that has nothing to do
with the question, and, besides, there aren't any degrees in
friendship--you have taught me that. So I think you may admit that I
understand you. The question is, if you will understand me.'
He paused, and Rose's kind shadowless eyes noted with a sudden
shrinking back from the sight, that his usual calm was broken by a
palpable effort to steady his voice. He felt, indeed, that he had not
the least clew to the girl's mind; that he was absolutely taking a leap
in the dark. And that what he had to say now was, in reality, so
foreign to every single word they had ever said to each other before,
that even if she consented to marry him he could not be sure if she
meant it--if she really understood the difference which he saw so
clearly.
'Rose,' he went on, 'the fact is, that I've fallen in love with--with
you; and if you don't really want to marry me, I had better go away. I
would take an out-district for a time. I've had enough--perhaps too
much--secretary work.' He seemed to take refuge in details from the
main point.
'Why--why should you go away?' asked Rose in a low voice. 'We were very
happy, weren't we?'
Her eyes, which had sought her hands among the white satin bows, came
back to his face anxiously, almost fearfully.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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