The Power of Sexual SurrenderRobinson, Marie Nyswander
Science
The Power of Sexual Surrender
Robinson, Marie Nyswander
Frigidity (Psychology); Sex (Psychology); Women -- Sexual behavior
Do not be afraid of the depression, the feeling of emptiness that
will come with your first conscious attempts to free yourself of your
fantasy. It can be the beginning of a far richer emotional life than
any which depends on an unrealizable daydream. Therefore, persist for
a few days in imagining what life will be like if you do not ever
realize your daydream. Please notice that your depression does not go
beyond a certain depth and that it is not incapacitating; also note
that your feeling of deprivation is not unendurable.
I am not using auto-suggestion in these last remarks. A persistent
daydream has certain characteristics in common with a drug or alcohol
habituation. The daydreamer has, over a long period of time, learned to
handle reality in terms of her drug--her deep-seated daydream. Without
realizing it she has come to feel that, without this psychological
narcotic, life would be impossible. She must, in a very real sense,
wean herself from it, gradually realize that life without it is not
nearly so dreary, so difficult, as she had imagined it would be.
The next step in this process is to explode the daydream entirely. This
can be done with a few pinpricks of cold logic. Most people, realizing
that such daydreams, formed in the heat of youth, have no function in
reality, have long ago given them up in favor of living as passionately
as possible in the present. The frigid woman, however, having a reason
for keeping them alive, has never scrutinized them in the cold light of
rationality.
I know of one woman who, at the age of thirty-eight, with three
children under fifteen years of age, still felt she could become a
dancer. As she looked more closely at this conviction she became
increasingly surprised at how seriously she really took this fantasy.
At length, when she felt really ready to face sacrificing her lifelong
fantasy, she wrote a list of facts and questions. I present them here.
1. To become a dancer I would have to study the dance for a minimum
of five years; during that time I would have to practice dancing for
about eight hours a day. Could I take this discipline?
2. If my mind were able to take such discipline would my body be able
to stand up under such arduous work?
3. If I were able to arrange it would I be willing to give up my daily
contact and relationship with my three children?
4. If I overcame every obstacle and became a well-known dancer,
achieving my wildest dream of success, I would have to go on tour for
at least eight months of the year; this would mean separation from my
husband and children during that time. Do I want this? Even if I do,
could I take it emotionally?
The answers to these questions were obviously passionate noes. And
the result of such a common-sensical examination of her long-standing
fantasy was, at long length, freedom from it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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