The Power of Sexual SurrenderRobinson, Marie Nyswander
Science
The Power of Sexual Surrender
Robinson, Marie Nyswander
Frigidity (Psychology); Sex (Psychology); Women -- Sexual behavior
It is very necessary for a man to understand the elements that make
his role appear to him to be very difficult during such a period. In
a sense, if the project is to succeed, he must be as aware of his
reactions as his wife is of hers.
What, then, are the main elements of his reactions?
In the first place, the husband of a frigid woman generally has a
great store of repressed resentment toward his wife. This is quite
understandable, of course. He has been the chief recipient of her very
strong negative feelings toward life, people, love, and sex.
As we have seen, the frigid woman has a strong tendency to blame others
for her difficulties. Her husband, doubtlessly, has received his full
quota of such irrational blame from her. He has also been the main
victim of all the other neurotic components of frigidity--the envy and
mistrust she has of the entire male sex, the endless complaints she
directs against her household duties, her general inability to handle
even the trivia of every woman’s everyday life with any grace or ease.
In addition to her quarreling and complaints he has had to accept a
tremendous amount of emotional frustration. Frigidity does not permit
much honest or real interpersonal warmth, and the male has had to do
without a normal amount of affection. His sexual frustration, too, is
great. We saw in the case of the clitoridal woman just how laborious
and boring the act of love can become to the man. It is not necessary
to labor the point of how cumulatively bleak sexual intercourse with an
unresponding partner can become.
All this (and more) that a man has gone through with a frigid wife
must have a very definite effect on him. He builds up attitudes and
develops defenses which allow him to preserve his equilibrium within
the framework of his marriage as it is.
Some of these defenses are psychological, some external.
The chief psychological defense he uses is a general withdrawal; he
pulls back from “caring” about the unhappy circumstances of his married
life. He may cease to react, either to his wife’s attacks on him or
to her general complaints. He may cease, too, to care very much about
the failure of their sexual life. His withdrawal from the problem
may be marked by actual sexual impotence with his wife. Or he may,
in response to his wife’s rejection of sex, take a purely mechanical
attitude toward intercourse, getting it over with as quickly as
possible, taking it like a hurried but necessary meal.
His external defenses against his home life may be a withdrawal from
it. He may reorganize his social life around a men’s social or athletic
club, spending a great deal of time with “the boys.” He may take to
drinking at bars in the evening, forming a circle of cronies whom he
likes to be with. He may do any of a number of things that take him out
of his home in the evening and give him substitute pleasures.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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