It is very important, therefore, for the husband to drop his self-consciousness about his wife’s pleasures or lack of them during intercourse. In fact, both must start with a clean slate on this score, take the healthy natural view that sexual sensation is a self-centered, even selfish, matter basically. Overconcern for the other can rob it of its lusty spontaneity entirely. This may strike a man as a new conception. In most books on married sexuality the mutuality of the act is the point emphasized; such books always speak glowingly of the pleasure one experiences in the other’s reactions. When frigidity is present this “mutuality” can become a mockery. A woman suffering from frigidity will be very relieved if her husband will make a gentle but blanket announcement to her that she is to drop her entire concern with orgasm until it happens. I have pointed out before that this indeed must be her working attitude before she has her first orgasmic experience. For a husband to affirm that this attitude is also his can be a great reassurance to her. She will then allow herself to really enjoy his “selfish” ecstasy without neurotically fixing on her own localized sensations. Indulging the deeply feminine role of _giving_ pleasure can be more exciting to her than any other thing. Now a word about foreplay--in my opinion one of the most grossly misunderstood words in the language. Many men, and women too, take it to mean solely a duty-bound interval in which a man tries to arouse a woman by physically caressing and kissing her. This mechanistic interpretation is based on the oft-quoted statement that women are slower to respond sexually than men and that it is the man’s duty to arouse her. I think it is absolutely necessary for this particular conception of foreplay to be expanded considerably where women who have had a sexual difficulty are concerned. As we have seen over and over again, frigidity in women is caused by psychological problems of a very specific kind. Any exclusively mechanical approach to these difficulties is foredoomed to failure. Husbands of women with a frigidity problem are well advised to consider foreplay primarily a psychological rather than a physical matter. If you will recall the stages of development the growing girl goes through, you will remember that they culminate in adolescence. During that stage a long romantic dream prepares the girl for real love. This dream of romance never leaves a woman. Foreplay is most successful when it arouses these dormant romantic feelings. Woman is truly an incurable romantic. But what does romance really mean to her? And how can the romantic feeling be conjured up?