“Whene’er I speak, my soul is wrung With these or some such whisperings: ‘’Tis pity that a Shakespeare’s tongue Should say such un-Shakespearean things!’ “I should not thus be criticised Had I a face of common wont: Don’t envy me—now, be advised!” And, now I think of it, I don’t! Reprinted from _Fun_, 14 Nov. 1868. “The bard a lawyer”— “Go with me to a notary: seal me there Your single bond.” _Merchant of Venice_, I. iii. “Parson”— “And there shall she at friar Laurence’ cell Be shriv’d, and married.” _Romeo and Juliet_, II. iv. “Groom”— “And give their fasting horses provender.” _Henry V._, IV. ii. “A tradesman”— “Let us, like merchants, show our foulest wares.” _Troilus and Cressida_, I. iii. “A Jew”— “Then must the Jew be merciful.” _Merchant of Venice_, IV. i. “A botanist”— “The spring, the summer, The chiding autumn, angry winter, change Their wonted liveries.” _Midsummer Night’s Dream_, II. ii. “A beak”— “In the county of Gloster, justice of the peace, and coram.” _Merry Wives of Windsor_, I. i. “A skilled musician”— “What lusty trumpet thus doth summon us?” _King John_, V. ii. “A sheriff”— “And I’ll provide his executioner.” _II Henry VI._, III. i. “A surgeon”— “The lioness had torn some flesh away, Which all this while had bled.” _As You Like It_, IV. iii. W. S. GILBERT. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, 1872 (1809-1894) I wonder if anything like this ever happened:— Author writing,— “_To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobl—_” “William, shall we have pudding to-day, or flapjacks?” “Flapjacks an it please thee, Anne, or a pudding for that matter; or what thou wilt, good woman, so thou come not betwixt me and my thought.” Exit Mistress Anne, with strongly accented closing of the door, and murmurs to the effect: “Ay, marry, ’tis well for thee to talk as if thou hadst no stomach to fill. We poor wives must swink for our masters, while they sit in their arm-chairs, growing as great in the girth through laziness as that ill-mannered old fat man, William, hath writ of in his books of players’ stuff. One had as well meddle with a porkpen, which hath thorns all over him, as try to deal with William when his eyes be rolling in that mad way.”