She sank down upon the sand and burst into a wild passion of sobs and
tears. When her fight for self-control was over and she looked up to
apologize for her pitiful exhibition of weakness--and to note whether
she had made an impression upon his sympathies--she saw him just
entering the house, a quarter of a mile away. To anger succeeded a
mood of desperate forlornness. She fell upon herself with gloomy
ferocity. She could not sing. She had no brains. She was taking
money--a disgracefully large amount of money--from Stanley Baird under
false pretenses. How could she hope to sing when her voice could not
be relied upon? Was not her throat at that very moment slightly sore?
Was it not always going queer? She--sing! Absurd. Did Stanley Baird
suspect? Was he waiting for the time when she would gladly accept what
she must have from him, on his own terms? No, not on his terms, but on
the terms she herself would arrange--the only terms she could make. No,
Stanley believed in her absolutely--believed in her career. When he
discovered the truth, he would lose interest in her, would regard her
as a poor, worthless creature, would be eager to rid himself of her.
Instead of returning to the house, she went in the opposite direction,
made a circuit and buried herself in the woods beyond the Shrewsbury.
She was mad to get away from her own company; but the only company she
could fly to was more depressing than the solitude and the taunt and
sneer and lash of her own thoughts. It was late in the afternoon
before she nerved herself to go home. She hoped the others would have
gone off somewhere; but they were waiting for her, Stanley anxious and
Cyrilla Brindley irritated. Her eyes sought Keith. He was, as usual,
the indifferent spectator.
"Where have you been?" cried Stanley.
"Making up my mind," said she in the tone that forewarns of a storm.
A brief pause. She struggled in vain against an impulse to look at
Keith. When her eyes turned in his direction he, not looking at her,
moved in his listless way toward the door. Said he:
"The auto's waiting. Come on."
She vacillated, yielded, began to put on the wraps Stanley was
collecting for her. It was a big touring-car, and they sat two and
two, with the chauffeur alone. Keith was beside Mildred. When they
were under way, she said:
"Why did you stop me? Perhaps I'll never have the courage again."
"Courage for what?" asked he.
"To take your advice, and break off."
"MY advice?"
"Yes, your advice."
"You have to clutch at and cling to somebody, don't you? You can't
bear the idea of standing up by your own strength."
"You think I'm trying to fasten to you?" she said, with an angry laugh.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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