"I did," said Mildred. "He has been--really wonderful--better than
almost any man would have been--more considerate than I deserved. And
I took advantage of it."
"A woman has to," said Cyrilla. "The fight between men and women is so
unequal."
"I took advantage of him," repeated Mildred. "And he apologized, and
I--I went on taking the money. I didn't know what else to do. Isn't
that dreadful?"
"Nothing to be proud of," said Cyrilla. "But a very usual transaction."
"And then," pursued Mildred, "I discovered that I--that I'd not be able
to make a career. But still I kept on, though I've been trying to
force myself to--to show some pride and self-respect. I discovered it
only a short time ago, and it wasn't really until to-day that I was
absolutely sure."
"You ARE sure?"
"There's hardly a doubt," replied Mildred. "But never mind that now.
I've got to make a living at something, and while I'm learning whatever
it is, I've got to have money to live on. And I can get it only from
him. Now, he asks me to marry him. He wouldn't ask me if he didn't
think I was going to be a great singer. He doesn't know it, but I do."
Mrs. Brindley smiled sweetly.
"And he thinks that I love him, also. If I accept him, it will be
under doubly false pretenses. If I refuse him I've got to stop taking
the money."
A long silence; then Mrs. Brindley said: "Women--the good ones,
too--often feel that they've a right to treat men as men treat them. I
think almost any woman would feel justified in putting off the crisis."
"You mean, I might tell him I'd give him my answer when I was
independent and had paid back."
Cyrilla nodded. Mildred relit her cigarette, which she had let go out.
"I had thought of that," said she. "But--I doubt if he'd tolerate it.
Also"--she laughed with the peculiar intonation that accompanies the
lifting of the veil over a deeply and carefully hidden corner of one's
secret self--"I am afraid. If I don't marry him, in a few weeks, or
months at most, he'll probably find out that I shall never be a great
singer, and then I'd not be able to marry him if I wished to."
"He IS a temptation," said Cyrilla. "That is, his money is--and he
personally is very nice."
"I married a man I didn't care for," pursued Mildred. "I don't want
ever to do that again. It is--even in the best circumstances--not
agreeable, not as simple as it looks to the inexperienced girls who are
always doing it."
"Still, a woman can endure that sort of thing," said Mrs. Brindley,
"unless she happens to be in love with another man." She was observing
the unconscious Mildred narrowly, a state of inward tension and
excitement hinted in her face, but not in her voice.
"That's just it?" said Mildred, her face carefully averted. "I--I
happen to be in love with another man."
A spasm of pain crossed Cyrilla's face.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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