MRS. KEITH hardly even attempted to regain self-control, but sobbed
herself into a stupor, followed by sleep. Not till the morning did
she again see her son; and no human being learnt the details of that
interview. She came out of it subdued, humbled, softened; for the first
time with a dawning of real contrition. Giles' deep distress, his
patient acceptance of his new position, his forbearance towards her,
made a profound impression upon one whose thought had always been for
self. Now, viewing half a lifetime of deceit with her son's eyes, she
was shamed to the heart.
A more difficult interview had to follow. She had promised to send for
the other Colin—the true Giles—not denying that she had to ask his
pardon. But this was infinitely harder. She did not love Colin as she
loved Giles—for the avoidance of confusion it is better to use still
the wrong names. From his childhood her knowledge of the great wrong
done to him had caused a hardness and bitterness of feeling, against
which she honestly fought, but which had too often mastered her.
To humble herself before her own son was one thing; to humble herself
before Colin was another. Subdued and softened though she was, when he
came in, another spirit rose up.
He murmured a slight greeting, took a seat, and waited.
"Giles wished," she began, and the words stuck in her throat. "I—I—know
what you must feel, of course," she muttered hurriedly. "But I meant it
for the best."
He made a gesture of acquiescence, gravely polite. Thus far he
had said little, but had gone about with his look of "apartness"
intensified, as if he were studying events from some outside region,
with greater interest in their psychological aspect than in their
bearing on himself. The change of relations was not less bewildering
to him than to Giles, though met with outward calm. He did not pretend
indifference; he had no thought of shirking his new responsibilities;
and acutely as he felt for the real Colin, he had thus far rather
implied than expressed sympathy. The fever of modelling possessed him
still, and his one longing was to get away from everybody, though no
one would have guessed the craving from his manner.
Silence lasted, and those clear compelling eyes almost forced Mrs.
Keith to lift hers. She knew his power, and resisted it.
"I've tried—tried to be—fair to you," she faltered.
"I am sure you have, Mrs. Keith—as fair as possible, under the
circumstances."
The use of her surname sounded strangely.
"Of course I know how you must feel," she went on, swallowing something
down—was it distress at the thought that "he" would be her "son" no
longer? Pain in that direction was unexpected; yet, after twenty-seven
years, hardly to be wondered at.
"I shall leave Castle Hill at once, as soon as I can arrange where to
go. Giles says the same. It doesn't matter—where?" She found herself in
danger of a breakdown.
"I think it matters very much."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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