Not that she, in so many words, put this before herself. She only
tried "to get things straight," and even in that she failed. She was
too young, life was too new, the "things" in question were too large,
for immediate success. She did not yet know herself; and till we know
ourselves, we cannot know those about us—those who make our "world"—or
grapple with the problems of their and our existence.
From an artistic and contemplative atmosphere, from a home where the
cult of beauty ranked foremost, from a new breadth of view and a new
rush of thought, she was plunged in the old narrow circle, where what
she best loved was condemned, where beauty was regarded as a snare,
where the love of Nature was a synonym for wasted time, where Art was a
delusion and a plaything for a dying world.
The contrast tried her. With the unbalanced eagerness of youth, she
expected to find all good on one side, all evil on the other; and,
like a child, impatient of consideration, she was as ready to condemn
Barbara, Miss Robins, even her grandmother, as they were to condemn her
friends.
Yet she had begun to see with wider eyes,—to realise that others too
found difficulties, and that the same clues do not serve for all minds.
She had begun to feel the need in herself of a kinder and fairer
spirit. She had begun to appreciate the saintly goodness of her stern
old grandmother, to perceive the true beauty which underlay superficial
blemishes.
"It is all bewilderment," she had often said. But step by step she was
being led to levels where she could look over dividing walls which once
had shut her in.
She was gaining glimpses of the true unity which underlies
diversity—that unity which meets in Christ. She was dimly seeing that
all ideals of beauty centre in Him; that the highest types of beauty
are reflected from Him. So these weeks meant much to her. She was
learning tolerance from the bigotry of others, and sympathy through
her own struggles. Such lessons once mastered, differences of opinion
on lesser points fall into their right positions, and the pursuit of
beauty rises to a higher level.
The old Vicar saw, and he would not meddle. He had faith in the Divine
training of individuals; and he had learnt something of that quality,
rare in human beings,—Divine patience. He would not hurry her faster
than she could go safely. A word here, a sentence there, gave the
needed touches. They were oftener together than in past days. Phyllys'
absence had made a difference, setting her more at liberty. But the
ruthless condemnation of people and things went on as of old; and
Phyllys was far from having Divine patience.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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