One of the predominant thoughts in time of serious illness is looking
back on the days of one's health and strength with a feeling of regret
for the poor use we made of them, and a longing to have the same
advantage again, if but for a short time, to make some small amends
for past shortcomings, or at least to show our goodwill. Canon
Keatinge tells a touching story of a dying priest, one of whose arms
had been amputated, who assured him that he would willingly part with
the other arm also, if only he could have the privilege of saying mass
once more. [1] Yet he had spent forty years of his life as a
missionary, during which time he had said mass almost every day. A
feeling somewhat akin to this is probably within the memory of most
priests who have passed through serious illness. The recollection of
their past priestly life passes through their mind, and they long to
have once again the opportunities which formerly were so plentiful.
When real convalescence has set in, they know that God in His mercy
has heard their prayer, and they are to have another chance. This
thought cannot but fill them with joy.
Yet convalescence is a time which requires in some sense greater
patience than the crisis of an illness. It is essential for its
completion that work shall not be resumed too soon. In grave illness
nature asserts itself irresistibly in this matter, the very suffering
and weakness overshadowing some of the tedium and _ennui_. But in the
case of convalescence, it devolves on us to put voluntarily restraint
on ourselves, and to omit doing many things which singly might not be
beyond our actual physical power, but which would retard or even
prevent proper recovery. It devolves on us to "kill time" in a manner
that in health would be almost sinful. Literature of the lightest is
indulged in, and wisely so, and any pastime such as a game of cards
comes as a relief, when one longs to be once more up and doing. Day
after day--week after week--we have to occupy ourselves as best we
can, while our nature slowly recuperates itself. It is real wisdom to
wait patiently for the day of our emancipation from the control of
doctor and nurse. We may have the consolation of saying mass, if not
every day, at least frequently; and the time may come when we may
resume our Office, though until we are sure that we are able to say it
all, we are not bound to say any. Then perhaps we may be well enough
to be taken to the seaside or other health resort to complete the
cure, and this forms a little excitement: but soon that dies down, in
the heavy atmosphere of doing nothing, and we require all the stimulus
we can get for our patience.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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