London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
The way Lady Aurora spoke proved to him, later, that she now definitely
did know his secret, or one of them, rather; for at the rate things had
been going for the last few months he was making a regular collection.
She knew the smaller—not, of course, the greater; she had, decidedly,
been illuminated by Pinnie’s divagations. At the moment he made that
reflection, however, he was almost startled to perceive how completely
he had ceased to resent such betrayals and how little it suddenly
seemed to signify that the innocent source of them was about to be
quenched. The sense of his larger secret swallowed up that particular
anxiety, making him ask himself what it mattered, for the time that was
left to him, that people should whisper to each other his little
mystery. The day came quickly when he believed, and yet didn’t care,
that it had been universally imparted.
After Lady Aurora left him, promising she would call him the first
moment it should seem prudent, he walked up and down the cold, stale
parlour, immersed in his meditations. The shock of the danger of losing
Pinnie had already passed away; he had achieved so much, of late, in
the line of accepting the idea of death that the little dressmaker, in
taking her departure, seemed already to benefit by this curious
discipline. What was most vivid to him, in the deserted scene of
Pinnie’s unsuccessful industry, was the changed vision with which he
had come back to objects familiar for twenty years. The picture was the
same, and all its horrid elements, wearing a kind of greasy gloss in
the impure air of Lomax Place, made, through the mean window-panes, a
dismal _chiaroscuro_—showed, in their polished misery, the friction of
his own little life; but the eyes with which he looked at it had new
terms of comparison. He had known the place was hideous and sordid, but
its aspect to-day was pitiful to the verge of the sickening; he
couldn’t believe that for years together he had accepted and even, a
little, revered it. He was frightened at the sort of service that his
experience of grandeur had rendered him. It was all very well to have
assimilated that element with a rapidity which had surprises even for
himself; but with sensibilities now so improved what fresh arrangement
could one come to with the very humble, which was in its nature
uncompromising? Though the spring was far advanced the day was a dark
drizzle, and the room had the clamminess of a finished use, an ooze of
dampness from the muddy street, where the areas were a narrow slit. No
wonder Pinnie had felt it at last, and her small under-fed organism had
grown numb and ceased to act. At the thought of her limited, stinted
life, the patient, humdrum effort of her needle and scissors, which had
ended only in a show-room where there was nothing to show and a pensive
reference to the cut of sleeves no longer worn, the tears again rose to
his eyes; but he brushed them aside when he heard a cautious tinkle at
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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