Female friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
what her own heart had felt, and her own eyes had expressed, when she
had painted that picture before her mirror, trusting in the complete
disguise of the decided changes in features and coloring which she had
made. She had painted the expression as faithfully as she could, knowing
that no one who had never seen her completely off guard would recognize
it. She felt now that if she should discover that there was a trace of
possible identification in either features or expression, she could not
endure it. Harold would think, and would have a right to think, that she
had made capital out of her most sacred shame and sorrow; and he was the
sort of man to whom that idea would be monstrous. She knew that she
never could have painted it if she had had the least idea of exhibiting
it; but when it was done, and she had shown it to Etienne to get his
criticism on the technique, and he had been so plainly delighted with
it, and urged her not to carry it any farther, but to exhibit it as it
was, she had agreed to it for three reasons. One was to please her
master, who was not very easily pleased; another was because she knew
she could keep it secret by telling no one except the two people who
already knew; and the third and decisive one was that it was a way
suddenly opened to her of giving her message to the world impersonally.
She felt a sort of exultation in the thought that in this way she could
say: “Look in my face, and see. This is marriage!”
When Sonia got out of her carriage she dismissed it with the maid, and
mounted the steps with a look of greater firmness and resolution than
she really felt, for physically she was ill and weak. She knew, however,
that she might meet with acquaintances here, and might attract the
attention of strangers by being quite alone, and therefore she realized
the necessity of calmness in her outward manner. Her face was partly hid
by a veil, and she had managed to avoid the gaze of one or two people
whom she had recognized as she made her way quickly to the room in which
she knew that her picture was hung.
In spite of her preoccupation, it quickened her pulses a little to see
that there was a small group of people in front of it, evidently talking
about it. As she stood behind these, and looked full at the face on the
canvas, which was looking full at her, a sudden sense of conscious
power, the knowledge that she had created a thing of intrinsic
character, came over her, and she could hardly realize that it was she
who had done it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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