"No," said Jeff. "Stay here, Lydia. That damnable necklace has made
trouble enough. It goes slipping through our lives like a detestable
snake, and now it's stopped with its original owner, I propose it shall
stay stopped. It's like a property in a play. It goes about from hand to
hand to hand, to bring out something in the play. And after all the play
isn't about the necklace. It's about us--us--you and Esther and Choate
and Madame Beattie and me. It's betraying us to ourselves. If it hadn't
been for the necklace in the first place and Esther's coveting it, I
might have been a greasy citizen of Addington instead of a queer half
labourer and half loafer; my father wouldn't have lost his nerve,
Choate wouldn't have been in love with Esther, and you wouldn't have
been doing divine childish things to bail me out of my destiny."
Lydia selected from this the fact that hit her hardest.
"Is Alston Choate in love with Esther?"
"He thinks he is."
"Then I must tell Anne."
"For God's sake, no! Lydia, I'm talking to you down here in the dusk as
if you were the sky or that star up there. The star doesn't tell."
"But Anne worships him."
"Do you mean she's in love with Choate?"
"No," said Lydia, "I don't mean that. I mean she thinks he's the most
beautiful person she ever saw."
"Then let her keep on thinking so," said Jeff. "And sometime he'll think
that of her."
Lydia was indignant.
"If you think Anne----" she began, and he stopped her.
"No, no. Anne is a young angel. Only a feeling of that kind--Lydia, I am
furious because I can't talk to you as I want to."
"Why can't you?" asked Lydia.
"Because it isn't possible, between men and women. Unless they've got a
right to. Unless they can throw even their shams and vanities away, and
live in each other's minds. I am married to Esther. If I tell you I
won't ask you into my mind because I am married to her you'll think I am
a hero. And if I do ask you in, you'll come--for you are very brave--and
you'll see things I don't want you to see."
"You mean," said Lydia, "see that you know I am in love with you. Well,
I'm not, Jeff, not in the way people talk about. Not that way."
His quick sense of her meanings supplied what she did not say: not
Esther's way. She scorned that, with a youthful scorn, the feline
domination of Esther. If that was being in love she would have none of
it. But Jeff was not actually thinking of her. He was listening to some
voice inside himself, an interrogatory voice, an irresponsible one, not
warning him but telling him:
"You do care. You care about Lydia. That's what you're
facing--love--love of Lydia."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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