The priest took his leave of me, and I was left to my own thoughts.
When I considered that the address of this lady had been given to me
by the very man whom they were so anxious to secure as a traitor, I at
once decided that no benefit could arrive from any interference on her
part; and I therefore, after a quarter of an hour, dismissed the whole
subject from my thoughts, and commenced my reading of the sacred
writings. The following morning, when the gaoler came in, I could not
help observing to him, that as I had been condemned so many days, I
felt much surprise at the delay of my execution. His reply was, that
he heard that others were in custody upon the same charge, and that
they waited for their convictions that we might all suffer at the same
time; for the order for my execution had come on the Friday last, but
had been countermanded on the afternoon of the same day. Although this
satisfied me that I had no hopes of escape, yet I was pleased that I
had obtained more time for preparation, and I renewed my reading with
ardour. Another week passed, when the gaoler, with a solemn face, and
much apparent concern, came in, and informed me that the other parties
arrested had been tried before the Commission, and had been condemned,
and that it was expected that the execution would take place either on
the morrow or the day after. The announcement did not affect me much.
I had made up my mind that I should suffer, and had to a degree weaned
myself from life. I considered how all hopes of my ever enjoying the
delight of family and kindred ties had flown away, and I looked with
disgust upon my career as a privateer's-man--a career of recklessness
and blood, so denounced by the sacred writings which I had before me.
I reflected that if I were to leave the prison, I should have no
other means of sustenance, and should probably return to my former
life, and load my soul with a still heavier weight of crime, and,
although I felt an occasional bitter pang at the idea of leaving the
world so young--a world which I could not hate--still I was, after a
few hours' communing and reflection, resigned to my fate, and
exclaimed with sincerity, "Thy will be done." I think, Madam, you may
have observed that, sinful as I was, my whole career proved that I was
not a hardened sinner. Good was not driven entirely out of me, but was
latent, notwithstanding all my excesses, and the bad company which had
influenced me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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