The priest took his leave of me, and I was left to my own thoughts.
When I considered that the address of this lady had been given to me by
the very man whom they were so anxious to secure as a traitor, I at once
decided that no benefit could arrive from any interference on her part;
and I therefore, after a quarter of an hour, dismissed the whole subject
from my thoughts, and commenced my reading of the sacred writings. The
following morning, when the gaoler came in, I could not help observing
to him, that as I had been condemned so many days I felt much surprise
at the delay of my execution. His reply was, that he heard that others
were in custody upon the same charge, and that they waited for their
convictions, that we might all suffer at the same time; for the order
for my execution had come on the Friday last, but had been countermanded
on the afternoon of the same day. Although this satisfied me that I had
no hopes of escape, yet I was pleased that I had obtained more time for
preparation, and I renewed my reading with ardour. Another week passed,
when the gaoler, with a solemn face, and much apparent concern, came in,
and informed me that the other parties arrested had been tried before
the Commission, and had been condemned, and that it was expected that
the execution would take place either on the morrow or the day after.
The announcement did not affect me much. I had made up my mind that I
should suffer, and had to a degree weaned myself from life. I
considered how all hopes of my ever enjoying the delight of my family
and kindred ties had flown away, and I looked with disgust upon my
career as a privateersman--a career of recklessness and blood, so
denounced by the sacred writings which I had before me. I reflected,
that if I were to leave the prison I should have no other means of
sustenance, and should probably return to my former life, and load my
soul with a still heavier weight of crime; and, although I felt an
occasional bitter pang at the idea of leaving the world so young--a
world which I could not hate--still I was, after a few hours' communing
and reflection, resigned to my fate, and exclaimed with sincerity, "Thy
will be done." I think, Madam, you may have observed that, sinful as I
was, my whole career proved that I was not a hardened sinner. Good was
not driven entirely out of me, but was latent, notwithstanding all my
excesses, and the bad company which had influenced me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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