“Very well then, first post Thursday morning. Now is that quite clear?”
“Oh, quite, quite.”
“You will of course send the old lady’s horoscope to us at the same time
with full particulars.”
“Full particulars?” said the Prophet. “What of?”
“Of her removal from the bottle, cutting of her first tooth, short
coating, going into skirts, putting of the hair up, day of marriage and
widowhood, illnesses--”
“Especially the rashes, Jupiter,” struck in Madame.
“What a mind!” said Mr. Sagittarius aside to the Prophet.
“What!”
“Especially as Madame says, any illnesses taking the form of a rash--the
epidemic form, as I may say--and so forth. We are to receive this
document by the first post Thursday morning.”
“Have you dotted all that down, Mr. Vivian?” inquired Madame.
The Prophet hastily made a large variety of scratches with the lead
pencil.
“And now,” continued Mr. Sagittarius.
There was a third tap at the door.
“Come in,” cried the Prophet, distractedly, and feeling as if homicidal
mania were rapidly creeping upon him.
Mr. Ferdinand appeared once more, with a mouth like a purse.
“Her ladyship says she really must go in a moment, sir, and--and Mrs.
Merillia begs that--”
“I am coming at once, Mr. Ferdinand. I swear it. Go upstairs and swear I
swear it.”
“Yes, sir.”
Mr. Ferdinand departed, rather with the demeanour of an archbishop who
has been inveigled into pledging himself, on his archiepiscopal oath, to
commit some horrid crime. The Prophet turned, almost violently, towards
his guests.
“I must go,” he cried. “I must indeed. Pray forgive me. You see how I am
circumstanced. Permit me to show you to the door.”
“You swear, sir, to carry out all our directions and to dot down--”
“I do. I swear solemnly to dot down--if you will only--this way. Take
care of the mat.”
“We trust you, Mr. Vivian,” said Madame, with majestic pathos. “A wife,
a mother trusts you. _Placens uxus! Mater familiaris_.”
“I pledge my honour. This is the--no, no, not that way, not that way!”
The worthy couple, by mistake, no doubt, were proceeding towards the
grand staircase, having missed the way to the hall door, and as the
Prophet, following them up with almost unimaginable activity, drew near
enough to drum the right direction into their backs, Lady Enid became
visible on the landing above. Mr. Sagittarius perceived her.
“Why, it’s Miss Minerv--” he began.
“This way, this way!” cried the Prophet, wheeling them round and driving
them, but always like a thorough gentleman, towards the square.
“Then she leads a double life, too!” said Mr. Sagittarius, solemnly,
fixing his strained eyes upon the Prophet.
“She? Who?” said Madame, sharply.
She had not seen Lady Enid.
“All of us, my love, all of us,” returned her husband, as the Prophet
succeeded in shepherding them on to the pavement.
“Good-bye,” he cried.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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