The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D. - Volume 07: Historical and Political Tracts-IrishSwift, Jonathan
General
The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D. - Volume 07: Historical and Political Tracts-Irish
Swift, Jonathan
Ireland -- Politics and government -- 18th century
I am assured, and partly know, that all the chimney-sweepers' boys,
where Members of Parliament chiefly lodge, are hired by our enemies to
skulk in the tops of chimneys, with their heads no higher than will just
permit them to look round; and at the usual hours when members are going
to the House, if they see a coach stand near the lodging of any loyal
member, they call "Coach, coach," as loud as they can bawl, just at the
instant when the footman begins to give the same call. And this is
chiefly done on those days, when any point of importance is to be
debated. This practice may be of very dangerous consequence. For, these
boys are all hired by enemies to the government; and thus, by the
absence of a few members for a few minutes, a question may be carried
against the true interest of the kingdom, and very probably, not without
any eye toward the Pretender.
I have not observed the wit and fancy of this town, so much employed in
any one article, as that of contriving variety of signs to hang over
houses, where punch is to be sold. The bowl is represented full of
punch, the ladle stands erect in the middle, supported sometimes by one,
and sometimes by two animals, whose feet rest upon the edge of the bowl.
These animals are sometimes one black lion, and sometimes a couple;
sometimes a single eagle, and sometimes a spread one, and we often meet
a crow, a swan, a bear, or a cock, in the same posture.
Now, I cannot find how any of these animals, either separate, or in
conjunction, are properly speaking, either fit emblems or
embellishments, to advance the sale of punch. Besides, it is agreed
among naturalists, that no brute can endure the taste of strong liquor,
except where he hath been used to it from his infancy: And,
consequently, it is against all the rules of hieroglyph, to assign those
animals as patrons, or protectors of punch. For, in that case, we ought
to suppose, that the host keeps always ready the real bird, or beast,
whereof the picture hangs over his door, to entertain his guest; which,
however, to my knowledge, is not true in fact. For not one of those
birds is a proper companion for a Christian, as to aiding and assisting
in making the punch. For the birds, as they are drawn upon the sign, are
much more likely to mute, or shed their feathers into the liquor. Then,
as to the bear, he is too terrible, awkward, and slovenly a companion to
converse with; neither are any of them at all, handy enough to fill
liquor to the company: I do, therefore, vehemently suspect a plot
intended against the Government, by these devices. For, although the
spread-eagle be the arms of Germany, upon which account it may possibly
be a lawful Protestant sign; yet I, who am very suspicious of fair
outsides, in a matter which so nearly concerns our welfare, cannot but
call to mind, that the Pretender's wife is said to be of German birth:
And that many Popish Princes, in so vast an extent of land, are reported
to excel both at making and drinking punch.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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