“Don’t you want me to be sorry for you, dear?” Pidge trailed. “Why, I
haven’t been nearly so good as I meant to be----”
“Well, you dam’ little itch-face--talking to me about being sorry.
Who’n heller-you to tell me about being sorry? Who’n heller-you to
talk to me about me gettin’ penned in an’ Albert missin’, when you
can’t keep your own man--when you don’t carry your own babies? Who’n
heller-you anyway?”
Then Fanny got down to business and spoke of life in the here and now.
“Never mind, dear,” said Pidge. “We can’t attend to everything. I’m
going out to get you some ice cream. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She was in the street. She brought back a paper pail without haste.
Fanny had begun to cry.
“Don’t feel badly,” Pidge said, washing a saucer and spoon.
Fanny cried on. Pidge served her a large dish, and a smaller one for
the older child. Then from the paper, she spooned tiny mouthfuls into
the face in the crib--spooned until there was sleep from the novel
coolness of the sweet. Then Pidge patted Fanny’s shoulder, as she
passed out, promising to come back some time to-morrow.
Upstairs she found Rufe, shirt open at the throat, standing by the back
window. The light in the room was heavily shaded. He looked to her
covertly, half expectantly.
“Want to read something?” he said in a pleasant tone.
“No. I’m going to bed,” said Pidge.
XXX
THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE
EARLY the next morning in the shadowy back room, Pidge moved softly
about as she dressed. She saw the new golf suit, and her lips twisted
into a smile. Another toy; another bit of acting. That was all of the
game he cared for--the clothes that went with it. She thought of the
night on the corner when the newsboy had pointed out Rufe as a movie
actor. She saw his desk by the window. It looked like a troubled face.
Here she was, as usual, furiously busy with his faults--so occupied
that he didn’t have to bother at all, sleeping serenely on. But he
didn’t understand, never could understand, that her agony was because
she saw them as part of herself; that in her own heart she couldn’t
free herself from responsibility; knowing deeply the _dis_-ease that
comes from that soul-deep question, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
And there he was lying on his back, innocent as a child. The pain
darted into her heart ... the baby carriage at Santa Monica. His
complexion was almost as fresh, his black hair brushed back. It was as
if he had fallen asleep with a tear in his eyes, for a little penciling
of salt was on the thin blue-veined skin under the eyelid. His breast
was uncovered and that spoiled the picture, spoiled the pathos; for
Rufe, though the least athletic of men, was hairy and glad of it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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