Mrs. Staggchase was fortunately at home. It seemed to Maurice that her
keen eyes took in the whole story from his secular dress. He blushed as
she gave him her hand.
"Well, my dear boy," she observed, "you have come to luncheon, I
suppose, because the fare at the Clergy House is so poor in Lent. Sit
down, and give me an account of your doings last night. I trust that
you saw Mrs. Wilson safe home."
"I left her in the church."
"Ah! And what did you do then?"
"I went home and fought it out with myself. You were right in saying
that things were not concluded when I became a deacon. I have given up
the whole thing."
"What do you mean by the whole thing?"
"I mean," he returned earnestly, "that I found out that I was acting a
part. That I didn't believe even the first principles of the religion I
was getting ready to teach. I have broken down in the temptation,
Cousin Diana."
She looked at him closely. The buoyancy of his morning mood was gone,
and it was hard for him to endure her searching look. It came over him
that he was an apostate; one who had abandoned all that he had vowed to
uphold; his vanity smarted at the thought that she must think him weak
and unstable as water.
"I am only what I was," he went on. "The difference is that I have
discovered what you probably saw all the time, that I don't believe the
things I have been taught. I am as free from the old creeds as you are.
I don't even pretend to know that there is a God."
"My dear boy," she responded, shrugging her shoulders, "you run into
extremes like a schoolgirl. I beg you won't talk as if I could be so
vulgar as not to believe in a deity. Don't rank me with the crowd of
common folk that try to increase their own importance by insisting that
there's nothing above them. Really, an atheist seems to me as bad as a
man who eats with his knife."
He changed countenance, but her words left him speechless. He could not
hear her speak in this way without being shocked. He might be without
creed, but his temper was still devout.
"If you've thrown overboard all your old dogmas," she went on with
unruffled face, "you'd better go to work to get a new set. I've just
heard of some sort of a society got up by women out in Cambridge, where
they deduce the ethnic sources of prophetic inspiration--whatever that
means!--from the 'Arabian Nights' and 'Mother Goose.' You might find
something there to suit you."
He could not answer her; he could only wonder whether she disapproved
of what he had done, or if she were vexed with him for coming to her.
"It's possible," she went on mercilessly, a fresh note of mockery in
her voice, "that Berenice might help you. Very often a woman wins
converts where a priest fails. After last night"--
He came to his feet with a spring.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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