"It did; it made the vastest difference." They were pacing slowly up and
down the portico, and she waited until they had made the turn at the
Woodlawn end before she went on. "I thought I knew you when we were boy
and girl together, and, girl-like, I suppose I had idealized you in some
ways. I thought I knew your wickednesses, and that they were not
weaknesses; so--so it was a miserable shock. But it was not for me to
judge you--only as you might rise or sink from that desperate starting
point. When I came home I was sure that you had risen; I have been sure
of it ever since until--until these few wretched hours to-night. They
are past, and now I'm going to be sure of it some more, Tom."
It was his turn to be silent, and they had measured twice the length of
the pillared floor when at last he said:
"What if I should tell you that you are mistaken--that all of them are
mistaken?"
"Don't," she said softly. "That would only be smashing what is left of
the ideal. I think I couldn't bear that."
"God in Heaven!" he said, under his breath. "And you've been calling
this friendship! Ardea, girl, it's _love_!"
She shook her head slowly.
"No," she rejoined gravely. "At one time I thought--I was afraid--that
it might be. But now I know it isn't."
"How do you know it?"
"Because love, as I think of it, is stronger than the traditions,
stronger than anything else in the world. And the traditions are still
with me. I admit the existence of the social pale, and as long as I live
within it I have a right to demand certain things of the man who marries
me."
"And love doesn't demand anything," he said, putting the remainder of
the thought into words for her. "You are right. If I could clear myself
with a word, I should not say it."
"Why?"
"Because your--loyalty, let us call it, is too precious to be exchanged
for anything else you could give me in place of it--esteem, respect, and
all the other well-behaved and virtuous bestowals."
"But the loyalty is based on the belief that you are trying to earn the
well-behaved approvals," she continued.
"No, it isn't. It exists 'in spite of' everything, and not 'because of'
anything. The traditions may try to make you stand it on the other leg,
it's a way they have; but the fact remains."
She shook her head in deprecation.
"The 'traditions,' are about to send me into the house, and the
principal problem is yet untouched. What have you done with Nancy?"
He told her briefly and exactly, adding nothing and omitting nothing;
and her word for it was "impossible."
"Don't you understand?" she objected. "I may choose to believe that
this home making for poor Nan and her waif is merely a bit of tardy
justice on your part and honor you for it. But nobody else will take
that view of it. If you keep her in that little cabin of yours, Mountain
View Avenue will have a fit--and very properly."
"I don't see why it should," he protested densely.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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