Domestic fiction; Family -- England -- Midlands -- Fiction; Midlands (England) -- Fiction
He would go to Nottingham, to his own town. He went to the station and
took a train. When he got to Nottingham, still he had nowhere to go.
However, it was more agreeable to walk familiar streets. He paced them
with a mad restlessness, as if he were running amok. Then he turned to
a book-shop and found a book on Bamberg Cathedral. Here was a
discovery! here was something for him! He went into a quiet restaurant
to look at his treasure. He lit up with thrills of bliss as he turned
from picture to picture. He had found something at last, in these
carvings. His soul had great satisfaction. Had he not come out to seek,
and had he not found! He was in a passion of fulfilment. These were the
finest carvings, statues, he had ever seen. The book lay in his hands
like a doorway. The world around was only an enclosure, a room. But he
was going away. He lingered over the lovely statues of women. A
marvellous, finely-wrought universe crystallized out around him as he
looked again, at the crowns, the twining hair, the woman-faces. He
liked all the better the unintelligible text of the German. He
preferred things he could not understand with the mind. He loved the
undiscovered and the undiscoverable. He pored over the pictures
intensely. And these were wooden statues, “Holz”—he believed that meant
wood. Wooden statues so shapen to his soul! He was a million times
gladdened. How undiscovered the world was, how it revealed itself to
his soul! What a fine, exciting thing his life was, at his hand! Did
not Bamberg Cathedral make the world his own? He celebrated his
triumphant strength and life and verity, and embraced the vast riches
he was inheriting.
But it was about time to go home. He had better catch a train. All the
time there was a steady bruise at the bottom of his soul, but so steady
as to be forgettable. He caught a train for Ilkeston.
It was ten o’clock as he was mounting the hill to Cossethay, carrying
his limp book on Bamberg Cathedral. He had not yet thought of Anna, not
definitely. The dark finger pressing a bruise controlled him
thoughtlessly.
Anna had started guiltily when he left the house. She had hastened
preparing the tea, hoping he would come back. She had made some toast,
and got all ready. Then he didn’t come. She cried with vexation and
disappointment. Why had he gone? Why couldn’t he come back now? Why was
it such a battle between them? She loved him—she did love him—why
couldn’t he be kinder to her, nicer to her?
She waited in distress—then her mood grew harder. He passed out of her
thoughts. She had considered indignantly, what right he had to
interfere with her sewing? She had indignantly refuted his right to
interfere with her at all. She was not to be interfered with. Was she
not herself, and he the outsider.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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