Domestic fiction; Family -- England -- Midlands -- Fiction; Midlands (England) -- Fiction
This was drawing near a crisis. She could not tell Mr. Harby because,
while he would punish the class, he would make her the cause of the
punishment, and her class would pay her back with disobedience and
derision. Already there was a deadly hostility grown up between her and
the children. After keeping in the class, at evening, to finish some
work, she would find boys dodging behind her, calling after her:
“Brangwen, Brangwen—Proud-acre.”
When she went into Ilkeston of a Saturday morning with Gudrun, she
heard again the voices yelling after her:
“Brangwen, Brangwen.”
She pretended to take no notice, but she coloured with shame at being
held up to derision in the public street. She, Ursula Brangwen of
Cossethay, could not escape from the Standard Five teacher which she
was. In vain she went out to buy ribbon for her hat. They called after
her, the boys she tried to teach.
And one evening, as she went from the edge of the town into the
country, stones came flying at her. Then the passion of shame and anger
surpassed her. She walked on unheeding, beside herself. Because of the
darkness she could not see who were those that threw. But she did not
want to know.
Only in her soul a change took place. Never more, and never more would
she give herself as individual to her class. Never would she, Ursula
Brangwen, the girl she was, the person she was, come into contact with
those boys. She would be Standard Five teacher, as far away personally
from her class as if she had never set foot in St. Philip’s school. She
would just obliterate them all, and keep herself apart, take them as
scholars only.
So her face grew more and more shut, and over her flayed, exposed soul
of a young girl who had gone open and warm to give herself to the
children, there set a hard, insentient thing, that worked mechanically
according to a system imposed.
It seemed she scarcely saw her class the next day. She could only feel
her will, and what she would have of this class which she must grasp
into subjection. It was no good, any more, to appeal, to play upon the
better feelings of the class. Her swift-working soul realized this.
She, as teacher, must bring them all as scholars, into subjection. And
this she was going to do. All else she would forsake. She had become
hard and impersonal, almost avengeful on herself as well as on them,
since the stone throwing. She did not want to be a person, to be
herself any more, after such humiliation. She would assert herself for
mastery, be only teacher. She was set now. She was going to fight and
subdue.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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