Domestic fiction; Family -- England -- Midlands -- Fiction; Midlands (England) -- Fiction
“Is it?” he said, with a little laugh. “Yes—well, it’s not so bad——” he
was hesitating. The pale gleam was strong in his eyes, he was looking
at her steadily, watching her, as an animal might. Something leaped in
her soul. She knew he was going to suggest to her that she should be as
he was.
“Would you like to stay here with me?” he asked, tentatively.
She blenched with fear and with the intense sensation of proffered
licence suggested to her.
They had come to the gate.
“How?” she asked. “You aren’t alone here.”
“We could marry,” he answered, in the strange, coldly-gleaming
insinuating tone that chilled the sunshine into moonlight. All
substantial things seemed transformed. Shadows and dancing moonlight
were real, and all cold, inhuman, gleaming sensations. She realized
with something like terror that she was going to accept this. She was
going inevitably to accept him. His hand was reaching out to the gate
before them. She stood still. His flesh was hard and brown and final.
She seemed to be in the grip of some insult.
“I couldn’t,” she answered, involuntarily.
He gave the same brief, neighing little laugh, very sad and bitter now,
and slotted back the bar of the gate. Yet he did not open. For a moment
they both stood looking at the fire of sunset that quivered among the
purple twigs of the trees. She saw his brown, hard, well-hewn face
gleaming with anger and humiliation and submission. He was an animal
that knows that it is subdued. Her heart flamed with sensation of him,
of the fascinating thing he offered her, and with sorrow, and with an
inconsolable sense of loneliness. Her soul was an infant crying in the
night. He had no soul. Oh, and why had she? He was the cleaner.
She turned away, she turned round from him, and saw the east flushed
strangely rose, the moon coming yellow and lovely upon a rosy sky,
above the darkening, bluish snow. All this so beautiful, all this so
lovely! He did not see it. He was one with it. But she saw it, and was
one with it. Her seeing separated them infinitely.
They went on in silence down the path, following their different fates.
The trees grew darker and darker, the snow made only a dimness in an
unreal world. And like a shadow, the day had gone into a faintly
luminous, snowy evening, while she was talking aimlessly to him, to
keep him at a distance, yet to keep him near her, and he walked
heavily. He opened the garden gate for her quietly, and she was
entering into her own pleasances, leaving him outside the gate.
Then even whilst she was escaping, or trying to escape, this feeling of
pain, came Maggie the next day, saying:
“I wouldn’t make Anthony love you, Ursula, if you don’t want him. It is
not nice.”
“But, Maggie, I never made him love me,” cried Ursula, dismayed and
suffering, and feeling as if she had done something base.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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