Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Married people -- Fiction
It was a good diagnosis. And his irritation had, for him, a most unusual
cause. Chorus-girls, principals, owners, authors, costumers, were
frequently the objects of his exasperated dissatisfaction. But to-night
the person he was out of all patience with was himself. He couldn't make
up his mind what he wanted to do. Or rather, knowing what he wanted to
do, he couldn't make up his mind to do it. It was this indecision of his
that had produced the silence while he and Rose had stood in the
entrance to Lessing's store. The only resolution he had come to there
had been not to allow her to say good night to him and walk away. But
now that she was striding along beside him, he couldn't make up his mind
what to say to her.
A more self-conscious man would have forgiven himself his indecision
from recognizing the real complexities of the case. He was, to begin
with, an artist--almost a great artist. And a universal characteristic
of such is a complete detachment from the materials in which they
work--a sort of remorselessness in the use of anything that can
contribute to their complete expression. The raw materials of John
Galbraith's art were paint and canvas, fabrics, tunes, men and women. It
was an axiom in his experience, that any personal feeling--any sort of
human relation with one of the units in the mosaic he was building--was
to be avoided like the plague. His professional and personal contempt
for a colleague capable of a love-affair with a woman in a company he
was directing, would be inexpressible--unfathomable. Of course when a
man's job was finished--and this sort of job nearly always did finish on
the opening night--why, after that, his affairs were his own affair.
In a word: he ordered his life on the perfectly sound masculine instinct
for keeping his work and his sex emotions in separate water-tight
compartments. Rose was a working member of his production, and it was
therefore flagrantly impossible that his relation with her should be
other than purely professional.
And yet there had been something intangibly personal from the very
first, about every one of their broken momentary conversations--almost
about every meeting of their eyes. It had disturbed him the first time
he had ever seen her smile. He remembered the occasion well enough. She
had just finished executing the dance step--the almost inexcusably
vulgar little dance step he had ordered her to do as a condition of
getting the job she said she wanted--had turned on him blazing with
indignation; but right in the full blaze of it, at something she must
have seen, and understood, in his own face, in deprecation of her own
wrath, she had, slowly and widely, smiled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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