Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Washington (D.C.) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
FOX had not seen Rose alone since that night, now some weeks distant,
when, after a bitter struggle with himself, he had definitely accepted
the inexorable fact of Margaret’s demand upon him. To injure a woman,
however unwittingly, seemed to him contemptible, even when he secretly
raged against the injustice of her claims and repudiated them in
his heart with something akin to savage anger. It had been a bitter
experience, a shock to his egotism, to his infatuated belief in
himself, that belief which comes sometimes to genius with the force of
absolute conviction.
The adjournment of Congress had left him more at liberty than usual and
he was anxious to leave the city, yet to do so would be interpreted
as flight. He had purposely absented himself from White’s house, and
Margaret, understanding his mood, had refrained from communicating
with him, but he was instinctively aware that she was unshaken in her
resolution, and the news of the open rupture came to him almost as
a relief; it was over, and it was useless to indulge in vague hopes
and futile thoughts of escape from his responsibility; he must meet
the fate that his folly and selfishness had invited, and with it the
wreck of his own happiness! And he was a strong willed, selfish man;
it was well nigh impossible to yield to such a course, to give up,
to let Rose go just when it seemed most possible to win her. As for
Margaret, the manner in which he thought of her, the wretched obstinacy
with which her fate entangled his, argued ill indeed for her future
hope of happiness if he married her. If he yielded that reluctant
assent to the situation, if he accepted the claim she made upon him,
it might be a bare and cruel fate for both. He was himself unaware of
the impossibility of concealment, that his final indifference would be
more cruel, more deadly than present repudiation. He thought, instead,
of himself, of the wreck of a dream which had filled his soul with the
beautiful and tender amenities of love and loyalty and protection;
he forgot that a man can hide his heart as little as the leopard can
change his spots, and that a woman can suffer more in its revelation
than she would from physical brutality.
All this while the thought of Rose came to him with cruel regret.
There were hours, between daylight and dawn, when he walked the floor
battling with his own soul, battling with the irresistible desire to go
to her, to tell her that he loved her, no matter what happened; let the
universe crumble, let her despise him for his weakness, if she would,
but to tell her the truth! It seemed to him supremely worth the cost.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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