Celestina felt very distressed. But she wanted to do Biddy good, so she
put back her own feelings.
'Please don't say that,' she said. 'I'll stay as quiet as anything, but
please don't send me away. I've been so wanting to see you.'
There was a slight turning towards her on this, and at last Biddy lifted
her head from the pillow a little.
'Did you truly want to see me?' she said.
'Of course I did. I've been very sorry about you being ill,' Celestina
replied.
Biddy did not speak. Then Celestina heard a faint sound, and going up a
little closer still, she saw that Biddy was crying.
'Dear Miss Biddy,' she whispered. Then a pair of hot little arms, not so
fat as they had been, were stretched out and thrown round her neck.
'Will you kiss me, Celestina?' whispered Bridget. 'Do you really love
me? If you do, you're the only one. I'm too naughty--I've been too
naughty. I've as good as killed papa--I know he's going to die. I heard
them saying the first night I'd as good as killed him, though I pretended
not to hear. And I've been trying to die myself; I thought p'raps if I
prayed a great, great lot to be forgiven, God would forgive me before I
died. But I want to die, because I'm so naughty I'm only a trouble. And
I _couldn't_ live without papa, knowing I'd as good as killed him. Oh,
Celestina,' and here the voice grew so low that Celestina could scarcely
hear it, 'are you quite sure that papa hasn't died already and they
won't tell me?' and Celestina felt her shiver.
'I heard him speaking as I came upstairs,' said Celestina, so quietly
that Biddy believed her perfectly; 'the door of his room was open.
I think he must be a little better to-day.'
'Oh,' said Biddy with a gasp, 'I do wonder if he is.'
'And----' Celestina began, then stopped again, 'I don't think you should
talk about trying to die like that,' she said. 'I--I think it would be
rather a lazy way of being sorry for what we'd done wrong just to try to
die.'
'I suppose it's because I'm lazy then. They all say I'm very lazy,'
Biddy replied. 'But I can't help it. I'm not going to try and be good
any more. I fixed that before--before that day. It's no use.'
Celestina considered a little.
'I should think,' she said at last--'I should think you would want to
get better to help to take care of your papa and make him better.'
Biddy started at this. It was a new idea.
'Do you think they'd let me?' she said in a half whisper. 'I thought I
was too little. Did you ever help to take care of your papa when he was
ill? But p'raps he's never been ill?'
'Oh yes, he has,' said Celestina, with a sigh. 'I think he's iller than
your papa very often. I do lots of things for him then: I make his tea
always, and tidy his room. And sometimes when he's getting better and
comes downstairs to the parlour I read aloud to him. For when he's ill,
mother has all the more to be in the shop, you know.'
Bridget listened intently. At last--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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