United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
“Love! O, do not speak to me of that,” she said, suddenly awaking
to the drift of his words, and striving to withdraw her hand.
“No, but I must speak of it,” he said with vehemence entirely
foreign to his usual half-mocking philosophy. “I must speak
of it,” he repeated with deepening tones. “You surely can not be
blind to the fact that I love you devotedly--absorbingly. Every
day's intercourse must have shown you something of this, which
you could not have mistaken. You must have seen this growing upon
me continually, until now I have but few thoughts into which your
image does not appear, to brighten and enhance them. Tell me now
that hopes, dearer--infinitely dearer--than any I have ever before
cherished, are to have the crown of fruition.”
“I can not--I can not,” she sighed.
“What can you not? Can't you care for me at least a little?”
“I do; I care for you ever so much. I am not only grateful for
all that you have been to me and done for me, but I have a feeling
that goes beyond mere gratitude. But to say that I return the love
you profess for me--that I even entertain any feeling resembling
it--I can not, and certainly not at this time.”
“But you certainly do not love any one else?”
“O, I beg of you not to question me.”
“I know I have no right to ask you such a question. I have no
right to pry into any matter which you do not choose to reveal to
me of your own free will and accord. But as all the mail of the
hospital goes through my hands, I could not help noticing that in
all the months that you have been here you have written to no man,
nor received a letter from one. Upon this I have built my hopes
that you were heartfree.”
“I can not talk of this, nor of anything now. I am so wrought up
by many things that have happened--by my letter from home; by your
unexpected declaration--that my poor brain is in a whirl, and I
can not think clearly and connectedly on any subject. Please do
not press me any more now.”
The torrent of his passion was stayed by this appeal to his
forbearance. He essayed to calm down his impetuous eagerness for
a decision of his fate, and said penitently:
“I beg your pardon. I really forgot. I have so long sought an
opportunity to speak to you upon this matter, and I have been so
often balked at the last moment, that when a seeming chance came
I was carried away with it, and in my selfish eagerness for my own
happiness, I forgot your distress. Forgive me--do.”
“I have nothing to forgive,” she said frankly, most touched
by his tender consideration. “You never allow me an occasion for
forgiveness, or to do anything in any way to offset the favors you
continually heap upon me.”
“Pay them all a thousand times over by giving me the least reason
to hope.”
“I only wish I could--I only wish I dared. But I fear to say
anything now. I can not trust myself.”
“But you will at least say something that will give me the basis
of a hope,” he persisted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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