France -- Fiction; French fiction -- Translations into English; Italy -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
With ardent patience, at length, she told him her entire life, the
little that she had put into it; the sadness of the past; and how, since
he had known her, she had lived only through him and in him.
The words fell as limpid as her look. She sat near him. He listened
to her with bitter avidity. Cruel with himself, he wished to know
everything about her last meetings with the other. She reported
faithfully the events of the Great Britain Hotel; but she changed the
scene to the outside, in an alley of the Casino, from fear that the
image of their sad interview in a closed room should irritate her lover.
Then she explained the meeting at the station. She had not wished to
cause despair to a suffering man who was so violent. But since then
she had had no news from him until the day when he spoke to her on the
street. She repeated what she had replied to him. Two days later she had
seen him at the opera, in her box. Certainly, she had not encouraged him
to come. It was the truth.
It was the truth. But the old poison, slowly accumulating in his mind,
burned him. She made the past, the irreparable past, present to him, by
her avowals. He saw images of it which tortured him. He said:
“I do not believe you.”
And he added:
“And if I believed you, I could not see you again, because of the idea
that you have loved that man. I have told you, I have written to you,
you remember, that I did not wish him to be that man. And since--”
He stopped.
She said:
“You know very well that since then nothing has happened.”
He replied, with violence:
“Since then I have seen him.”
They remained silent for a long time. Then she said, surprised and
plaintive:
“But, my friend, you should have thought that a woman such as I, married
as I was--every day one sees women bring to their lovers a past darker
than mine and yet they inspire love. Ah, my past--if you knew how
insignificant it was!”
“I know what you can give. One can not forgive to you what one may
forgive to another.”
“But, my friend, I am like others.”
“No, you are not like others. To you one can not forgive anything.”
He talked with set teeth. His eyes, which she had seen so large, glowing
with tenderness, were now dry, harsh, narrowed between wrinkled lids and
cast a new glance at her. He frightened her. She went to the rear of
the room, sat on a chair, and there she remained, trembling, for a long
time, smothered by her sobs. Then she broke into tears.
He sighed:
“Why did I ever know you?”
She replied, weeping:
“I do not regret having known you. I am dying of it, and I do not regret
it. I have loved.”
He stubbornly continued to make her suffer. He felt that he was playing
an odious part, but he could not stop.
“It is possible, after all, that you have loved me too.”
She answered, with soft bitterness:
“But I have loved only you. I have loved you too much. And it is for
that you are punishing me. Oh, can you think that I was to another what
I have been to you?”
“Why not?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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