The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
This was a lesson to me, than which I have never had a better one in all
my life. There was scarcely a pin to choose between those two, in the
matter of affliction. Jack had got one eye quite bunged up, and his
enemy had both eyes half-way closed; the nose of our Jack was gone in at
the middle, and that of his adversary at the end; and their other
contusions might pretty nearly match. Yet Jack won, all of a heap. And
why? Because he would rather be killed, than yield. The other fellow
would rather yield, than stand the very smallest chance of being killed.
So when Jack came up for another good round, his enemy sate, and looked
at him, and thought it would be wiser to negotiate. He was not by any
means whacked, he declared, and he went on to prove it, though still
sitting down--as Britannia never lets her tail drop now, without
elevating her tongue, to stand for it--but his mind was made up, not to
incur further danger of blood-guiltiness.
After all the insults put upon him, Jack would not let him off, without
a clearer understanding.
"Either you are whacked, or not," said he; "if you are whacked, say so
straightforrard, and I will shake hands with you. If you are not, stand
up again."
This was plain English, the only sensible thing in a case of that kind.
The other boy looked about; but saw no way to shuffle out of it, having
not yet been Prime Minister.
"I don't mean to fight any more," he said, "until I perceive the
necessity of it. At the same time, you can see yourself, that I am not a
bit afraid of you. Every one who knows me will bear me out in that. I
could prove it, if I had time; but there goes the dinner-bell, and we
all must run. Not from you, mind, not from you; only because we are
obliged to bolt."
Likely enough, there are people who would be glad to make light of this
victory; as they do with all those we always lose, while blowing up the
trumpet in the very new moon, if ever we cannot help winning one. But
Jack, and I, took a natural view of the facts we ourselves had created.
Science had bitten the dust before the powers of ancient literature,
though the latter had struggled at fearful odds; and seven of the boys,
who had seen it, persuaded their parents to take them from the Gorgon,
and apprentice them again to the gentle Muse, who only strikes in
self-defence. And as soon as my father and mother heard it--by reason of
my bruises, one of which required raw beefsteak,--they were for ever
confirmed in their perception of their own wisdom.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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